Home Economics 101: The Case For Renter's Insurance

Hi,

How's it going? You say, what's new? Oh, not much really. Pretty much same old same old around here. Just hanging out here in picturesque Pork Slop, Brooklyn, NYC for the week. It's pretty cool.

Did you know that Brooklyn used to be the third largest city in the US? Of course I had totally forgotten cuz it got incorporated into NYC way back in 1898 (and no that's not a typo cuz I totally would have remembered something that happened in 1998), which was of course originally spelt "Nieuw Amsterdam" because apparently the people that were here before anyone that I know moved to New York were not American. But I guess that's pretty obvious since they were such bad spellers.

At the same time as all those foreigners were misspelling New York, Brooklyn was also spelt differently. In about one sentence I'm gonna copy and paste some text to show you how it was spelt. Here goes. Oh crap, that was two sentences. Now that makes three. Damn. Four. Five. Anyway, here goes again, last try. They spelt it: "Breuckelen" and called it a "Village". Can you believe that? I mean... WOW! And what is a Village anyway? Apparently all this was happening way back before all the stroller pushing lesbians moved in to the neighborhood and started calling it a Borough and feeling really good about having a 13 1/2 sq. foot concrete "backyard" and really just getting out of Manhattan and away from all those NYU kids and enjoying all of the surprisingly great brunch spots along 7th Ave.

Anyway, next time you get all lost when trying to meet one of your friends that can't afford to live in Manhattan out for said brunch, you may be interested to know that the streets in Brooklyn do not line up because each of the original 2 cities and 6 towns in Kings County were independent municipalities and purposely decided to create street grids with different naming systems that did not line up with the adjoining city or town. The Town of Gravesend was the only town where the streets run long north-to-south, all other cities and towns ran their streets long west-to-east. Gravesend was the only English town, all the others were Dutch.

Incidentally the other city, besides Breuckelen, in Kings County was originally called the Town of Williamsburgh before it became the city of Williamsburg. Everyone wanted to drop the H because they new that someday some witty person would open a restaurant called "Williamsburger" and charge too much for hamburgers and play bad music on the stereo. Sometimes the collective conscious is right on the money.

Sometimes it's not.

Also, the next time someone asks you to go see their rootsy americana blugrass jazz band play at some place you've never heard of in a neighborhood called "Red Hook", you should ask them if they knew that Bay Ridge was originally called "Yellow Hook" until a yellow fever epidemic struck and the name was changed. I guarantee whoever that person is won't peg you for the kind of person you don't want them to.

Anyway, I'm really getting good at reciting the history of whatever this neighborhood is called because I am really good at being a real man's man and not actually recognizing or confronting any of the emotions related to the pain or discomfort related to my apartment burning down last week. Oh, did I not tell you about that? Whatever... it's really not a big deal. I love having to sleep in a strangers bedroom while he's out of town and I don't have a home. It's totally cool. You should totally try it sometime. And if you do, let me know if you go out onto the balcony for a smoke and the sight of the Mother and daughter from the apartment downstairs happily drawing a giant pink and blue daisy in chalk on the sidewalk almost makes you burst into tears.

By the way, speaking of WOW, did you know that there was an oil spill in the Gulf Of Mexico? The good news is a company that used to be called British Petroleum volunteered their expertise and got something called a "cap" for something called an "oil well" and they stopped the flow before anything got out of hand. Could you imagine if something on the order of 184 million gallons of oil had spilled into the gulf over the course of 85 days? That would be like coming home at nine in the morning and finding out that your apartment went up in flames while you were sleeping on the air mattress of one of the best friends a guy could ever have and then looking in your closet to see that you were no longer the proud owner of an enviable collection of roughly 173 circa 1955 skinny ties.

In other news, and speaking of caps, in a missive that finally put an end to a bunch of grownups whining about having to say too many Our Father's during confession when they were kids, this man says that allowing women to priests in the Catholic Church would be a "grave crime" subject to the same set of procedures and punishments meted out for sex abuse:

Anyway, he seems like a nice guy. Kind of like how my old landlord is such a nice guy that he refused to let me borrow a flashlight when I went to retrieve what was left of my belongings from the apartment that I used to live in that burned down last week. Oh, did I forget to tell you about that? Whatever... it's cool. Everything is fine. I didn't really like that guitar that I wrote over 200 songs on anyway.

And speaking of feeling pretty good about the fact that I was able to retrieve the now semi melted pewter cup that's engraved with my name and the date I was adopted from on top of my burnt up stereo system that I got half of from the other one of the best friends a guy could ever have, here is the funniest thing I've ever seen on the Jay Leno show:

Finally, speaking of creepy, don't watch this video if you're sleeping in some dudes bed who you've never met:

But in the event that your apartment burnt down and one of the other best friends a guy could ever have is a roommate of the guy who's bed you're sleeping in that you've never met, don't forget to thank him.

Mwah!

M

P.S. Get renters insurance.

P.P.S. Trust me.