Mathematics 101: Billy Ray Cyrus 'So Sad' About Miley Bong Video

Hi,

You're not gonna believe this but, the woman sitting next to me is not using an Apple computer. What do you think I should do? One can only assume that the manager of this cafe would want to know. Maybe I should pretend I have to take a crap so I can ask the manager for the key to the crapper and then tell him that he has someone in his cafe who he should be actively discriminating against. Maybe he'll be relieved to know that not all the whistle blowers of the world have gone limp in the last week. Maybe he'll give me a free coffee in return.

Oh, and speaking of stories about people who sympathize with whistle blowers and as such better start watching their back, have you ever heard of Ron Paul? Even though I know you rely on me for pretty much everything you need explained to you, I have to admit that I don't know a lot about Ron Paul except that he is a member of The House Of Representatives, representing the State of Texas and if I know anything about congress, I know that The House Of Representatives is kinda of like being a senior in High School but still playing point guard for the Junior Varsity basketball team. You're just not getting to second base with Julie Anderson. Nope, not even if your dad let's you borrow his Corvette for that date to the mall. In fact, that might actually lessen your chances. Unless you live in a suburb of Hartford, Deerfield, St. Paul or Tampa. Anyway, sorry to have been mixing metaphors. You'll have to excuse me. It's been a long morning. For starters, it would appear that that stalwart of breakfast cuisine, Morir Sonando ...

... is closed? What? I know. I tried calling Mayor Bloomberg but his line was busy, or something. Who the hell is he talking to all the time? Doesn't he know I've got real problems. I mean, I spent about 17 seconds walking around the block to the next counter-seat-only Dominican diner in the greater Broadway and Marcy arena of Brooklyn to get my requisite high fructose corn syrup enhanced fuel for under $5.00. And then of course when I got this place to tell you all about Ron Paul, there was the girl here with the computer that wasn't an Apple. Luckily for all of us, she was duly marginalized, quietly accepted her station in life, and left.

Anyway, Ron Paul hates America and supports terrorism. To wit, feast your freedom loving eyes on his recent manifesto of submission as presented in the form of an aurally delivered questionnaire to the other members of Congress:

"Number 1: Do the America People deserve know the truth regarding the ongoing wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and Yemen?

Number 2: Could a larger question be how can an army private access so much secret information?

Number 3: Why is the hostility mostly directed at Assange, the publisher, and not at our governments failure to protect classified information?

Number 4: Are we getting our moneys worth of the 80 Billion dollars per year spent on intelligence gathering?

Number 5: Which has resulted in the greatest number of deaths: lying us into war or Wikileaks revelations or the release of the Pentagon Papers?

Number 6: If Assange can be convicted of a crime for publishing information that he did not steal, what does this say about the future of the first amendment and the independence of the internet?

Number 7: Could it be that the real reason for the near universal attacks on Wikileaks is more about secretly maintaining a seriously flawed foreign policy of empire than it is about national security?

Number 8: Is there not a huge difference between releasing secret information to help the enemy in a time of declared war, which is treason, and the releasing of information to expose our government lies that promote secret wars, death and corruption?

Number 9: Was it not once considered patriotic to stand up to our government when it is wrong?"

Which of course reminds me that the conspicuous silence of the "Eric Clapton Camp" regarding an invitation to perform a goodwill concert in North Korea can only be a sign of said bluesman's latent terrorist sympathies.

Oh, and speaking of people who may or not belong in the greatest country in the history of countries where 90% of caucasian television pundits need a remedial math class, I'll be performing with not one but two, count 'em, two foreigners tonight at Rockwood Music Hall. That's right kids, Emerald Isledian Andy Fitzpatrick leads his band of handsomeness tonight at 10pm with the very Italian Andrea Long on something he calls chitarra. Don't forget... Immigracion is always just a phone call away.

Finally, if you're like me, or wish you were like me, or just like hearing about things that people like me like, you'll also be happy to know that one of my secret admirer's continues to hold fast to her rightful place among the also ran's for 2010. Whew.

In the meantime, I have to go now ad do some New Year's Eve preparation busy work for slave driver Queen Mother Feather.

Mwah!

M

P.S. Don't forget to do your holiday shopping at amazon.com via the convenient link to amazon.com located in the bottom right margin of this page.

P.P.S. Don't forget to make other plans for Thursday night.

Pascal 101: How Technology Has Fractured The American Familia and The Case For Making The Case For Elizabeth Warren

Hi,

In case you haven't been paying attention, today is the day after July 27th, 2010.

I only point that out because if you're anything like me, you have a tendency to forget important dates. Or dates that other people think are important. Like the 14 times in my life that I've had a blisteringly mind-numbing row with a temporary significant other on account of my forgetting said soon to be former significant other's birthday. Or like how I can't ever really remember any dates of historical significance besides the year the greatest country in the history of countries to be really pissed off at wikileaks was born. That's 1776 in case you're foreign and don't want to be deported. Or if you have a really good tan and happen to be passing through Arizona.

(Editor's Note: Actually, I'm pretty good at remembering when rock and roll albums were released. But I'm not sure if releasing a rock and roll record counts as making HIStory.)

Anyway, back to me and the things I forget ...

Damn. I just forgot what I wasn't remembering.

Anyway, like I started to say... If you're anything like me, you could not have been more overjoyed to see Steve Jobs' line of iProducts come together over the last decade. Since, if you're like me, you know how much they help make you seem like you've really come a long way towards getting you s#!t together, even if you really are getting tired of the whole Safari vs. Flash business. And even though you've always wondered why it's not called iSafari. Or more pressing, why is THIS not called an iPad? Because 'ol Stevie Jobie didn't hire me as the "Consistency In Branding Czar" like I told him to, that's why.

What? There's already an iPad and Mike Grubbs was the first person in the L.E.S./Brooklyn music scene to own one? Hmm. Okay... well, let me try this google.com thing that someone told me about and see what I can find out about this so-called iPad.

"Tick-Tock. Tick-Tock. Tick-Tock."

(Editor's Note: Special thanks to Mike Vitacco and all the wonderful folks at Nutmeg Audio Post for what we in the "business" call: Sound Affects.)

(Senior Editor's Note: That's "Sound Effects".)

(Editor's Note: Oh. Thanks Ann.)

Okay. I'm back from crowd surfing the nether regions of Htmlland and here's what I've found:

I have found that I think this iPad really should've been called something else. Like, how about: "iPuter"? This way you could download the free third party application "Atomic Fart" and then invite all your friends over and say things like: "Hey Jimmy, check out the atomic farts coming from my iPuter!"

In the interests of full disclosure, I don't have any friends named Jimmy. But I do have a cousin named Jimmy who once fell off of a telephone pole and spent a few months walking around with a cast on his head. That's actually my first memory of him. If you never had a cousin named Jimmy who walked around for a few months with a cast on his head, you should look at the life-like, water-marked for copyright protection, digital representation of what happens when you fall off of a telephone pole pictured below ...

In unrelated news, today is pretty special. For starters, today marks 100 Days that God has been making a point against gay marriage by filling the Gulf Of Mexico with something called: The fundamental component of pretty much everything you use on a given day. Or, put it another way: The building "block" of of pretty much everything you use on a given day. Or perhaps, the corner "stone" of pretty much everything you use everyday.

(Editor's Note: Before you go getting all in a huff and start throwing a temper tantrum over my "incorrect" use of "quotations" in the preceding two sentences, I'll have you know that I'm pretty sure I've thought this through and I'm pretty certain that I'm using them correctly on account of employing what I'd like to call a "creative device" in order to highlight certain words based on the current vernacular and thus inform the reader that said "quotated" words might just be getting the literary "quotation" treatment for an instructive reason.)

The astute among you are surely not wondering why I put quotations marks around the words "block" and "stone". Those of you who are too busy buying the "Nylon Tricot High-Waist Swim Brief" for your hot girlfriend from americanapparel.net should click anywhere on the rest of this sentence.

In the interest of full disclosure, I've honestly completely forgotten why I "quotated" those words. Unfortunately, I can't be here all day re-writig every little thing in order for it to make "sense" to you, so you'll just have to imagine that I'm making it. "Sense" that is.

Anyway, it's hard to believe you're still reading this. And speaking of reading, today I woke up and read the message from my iCal alarm as displayed on my iPhone (which was of course synched to what obviously should be called my iMacBook so that I got to read it again when I turned that on). Fresh from a restful night of oh so peaceful things that my former therapist called "anxiety dreams", I took a little trip down something I like to call: "The Last 17 Years of Matt Basile's Memory Lane". And as I remembered all things I never got to ask my dad, I did stop for a moment to thank Steve Jobs and his ilk for putting the benefits of modern technology within the buying power reach of middle class men such as myself. Along the way, helping me to remember the things I used to forget.

Oh, and since I did used to forget, I used that http://www.google.com thing I told you about before just to make sure I didn't have the date wrong last year when my former therapist suggested that remembering things could prove to be an important part of something she called: "Your Healing Process, Matthew". As it turns out, this time I remembered right:

Mwah!

M