American History 101: Union Busting and The Case For Mandatory Human Chorionic Gonadotropin Injections

Hi,

Just when you thought my life couldn't get even more better than yours, I gloatingly present something you probably only get on Sundays: Blueberry Pancakes ... on a Thursday!

If you have a brain, you already know that having "Blueberry Pancakes on a Thursday" is just one of the many benefits of collective bargaining. But since you went to a public school in Florida, you may need to brush up on the concept of collective bargaining, to say nothing about your usage of commas and quotations. In general collective bargaining is basically a group of peasants, or in some cultures "employees," coming together with a metaphorical "single voice" in order to devise with their overlord, or in some cultures "employer," something called a "collective agreement." The resultant collective agreement usually sets out (according to the dubious reporting of wikipedia) "wage scales, working hours, training, health and safety, overtime, grievance mechanisms and rights to participate in workplace or company affairs." A clearly sinister enterprise.

Here in the greatest country in the history of countries that generated a level of general comfort heretofore essentially unheard of as a direct result of something called "Collective Bargaining," the concept of "Collective Bargaining" was first introduced in 1891 by one Beatrice Webb. If you're a large multination corporation owner, hearing the name Beatrice Webb probably makes you go: "Oh yeah, I shoulda known it was a woman who ruined everything for us! And by us, I mean me! If it weren't for all those stinkin' women and their stinkin' support for things like rights and unions and collective bargaining, I'd still be able to do things like ...

Hire uneducated children for my soda factory:

Or employ US workers to make garments:

(Editor's Note: This is all still part of the quote from the multinational corporation owner I am imagining you are...)

But thankfully there are still states in the union who are responsive to the needs of business:

And thankfully all those Democrat Senators in Wisconsin somehow forgot about how the legislative process works in their state and had no choice but to let the Republicans pass a bill that pretty much outlaws collective bargaining for public employees."

Anyway, I'm just glad that that last sentence actually didn't happen because I voted for Barack Obama and everyone knows that if state after state were diminishing the "collective bargaining" rights of it's public employees, a guy like Barack Obama would surely stand up for not only the rights of middle class people but also make the case for balancing budgets by reestablishing the tax rate of the nation's richest people on account of the fact that they haven't been doing such a great job of creating jobs with all those tax cuts they said they needed in order to create jobs. Thankfully Barry doesn't need to make that speech.

In related news, my indentured servitude to The Casey Shea Band continues tomorrow night at Rockwood Music Hall. We go on at 10pm.

Mwah!

M

P.S. What's that? Yes, the smiley face is meant to rub it in.

P.P.S. Tonight I'll be at The Living Room with Kris Gruen.

P.P.P.S. He's cool.

P.P.P.P.S. In addition to his acoustic guitar ...

P.P.P.P.P.S. He also has a farm.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. In Vermont.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Oh man. Really?

Media Studies 101: Chief Executive of NPR Resigns

Hi,

Today I'd like to offer you a selection of recent of something I like to call: "Recent Observations and The Things I have Learned From Said Observations."

Observation Number 1: Known increases in the instances of "eyes and smiles" I receive is directly proportional to the wearing of one of my fashionable vintage ties.

My takeaway from this observation really only needs to be read men: Guys, apparently it really does make you more attractive if you're dressed like you are actually expected by someone to be somewhere at some point during a given day. However, it's not cool to be dressed as though you act like a complete a$@#ole when you get there.

Observation Number 2: The other day I was riding the D Train around whatever time it is that public school's out for the day and almost had my awesome game of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2 interrupted by, you guessed it, a bunch of kids. Illegally leaning against the subway doors, I kept my head down. I was going for 200,000 points on a single trick combination. Not easy. And I got them. 213,578 to be exact. As you can imagine, it was pretty tough on account of all these kids basically yelling at the top of their little kid lungs about God only knows what. Anyway, you can imagine how self satisfied I was about accomplishing my big goal for the day and felt that I deserved to take a load off. So, I sat down. The eleven year olds were still screaming. Well, most of them. No, actually I'd say it was roughly half of them. You see, literally all of the laughing, impolite name calling, punching and cavorting were something commonly referred to as : "Boys". The twenty or so girls basically just sat there and watched them. I thought this was pretty interesting. So when I got home, I brought this all up by basically saying all of the stuff you just read to a pretty smart young woman I know. She said: "Yeah, I've been to a public school before."

My takeaway from this observation is something I like to call: "Confusion".

Observation Number 3: In my neighborhood, all of the young men I've seen engaged with the NYPD in something called the "Stop And Frisk" program are decidedly not caucasian. Wait, should caucasian be capitalized? Caucasian. Well, yeah, I know it gets capitalized there dummy. Jeez. I meant in the middle of the sentence.

My takeaway from this observation is that if you live in The United States, you probably won't ever get "stopped" and "frisked" in the middled or a rain storm if you managed to get something called: "Born White".

Observation Number 4: My breakfast is better than yours.

My takeaway from this observation is that I am _____________.

Mwah!

M

P.S. Tomorrow night I'll be playing with Kris Gruen at The Living Room.

P.P.S. Look it up.

P.P.P.S. The night after tomorrow night I'll be playing with Casey Shea band at someplace called Madison Square Garden.

P.P.P.P.S. Don't look that up.

P.P.P.P.P.S. Just go to the Will Call window at MSG on Friday night and tell them that Wes Verhoeve of Family Records left you a pair of tickets for something called: "Tonight's Show".