Hi,
I'm back. And yes, I've been wearing the same jeans for 7 days. Thanks for noticing. And no, I have not run out of things to say. Maybe I just got tired of saying the interesting things I am always thinking about to you? Ever think of that? I bet not. I bet you never really even tried to think about anything the way I do and if you had ever been paying attention during that free trial couples therapy session we took back in 2003 you'd remember that it is actually important to pay attention to the other person in a given relationship but you probably don't remember since the 17 therapists we met with never got a chance to cover that topic on account of the fact that no one could get a word in edge-wise through your incessant listing off of all the things that I forgot to say and how I didn't pay attention and and and and and and ... apparently sometimes it's the things you don't do that hurt the most.
Anyway, I just made a great breakfast for me. For part of it I used the biggest zucchini squash in the history of squashes that will take me the better part of a week to eat that I have ever boughten.
Here it is before I unceremoniously slaughtered it for my own sustenance without regard for it's feelings as a living being:
And speaking of artistic representations. I've been spending a lot of time looking at all the new and exciting advertisements covering up the bottom third of all the videos on youtube. Just this morning I was mesmerized by various ads from Siemens about some of those non existent green jobs that people keep forgetting about and rediscovered the lost art of unrestrained joy at receiving my gift card just for being the 1 millionth visitor when I was distracted by how this guy named Straw mispronounced incredulity and found out that Michael Foot died:
And if you have friends that are foreign you might ask them to ask their grandparents if they remember this speech which is probably not quite as good as the most quoted speech in the history of speeches that are frustratingly hard to find speeches where he said, “I am an inveterate and incurable peacemonger ...” but no one will ever know for sure because I can't find the speech and everyone looks to me for obituaries about people that Americans don't really care about anyway:
Moving right along, the lapsed Catholic in all of us will be relieved to know that for as long as our unemployment benefits allow us to pay our phone bill we can keep on skipping church and living in sin or, as the case may be, wishing we were living in sin with someone we wished were actually divorced and not just thinking about it. That's right kids, for the low price of 34c a minute (plus connection charge) you can dial 0-826-96-80-16 and connect with the Line To The Lord! Once connected the Line To The Lord, you can talk to the lord from the privacy of your own conscience and confess to your guilty hearts content.
The Independent reports that while Protestants around the world were clearly miffed at being one upped by the best Pope in the history of people who have friends of friends who know Jewish people, some lingering questions do remain. For instance: "Whether God is at the end of the line may be a matter of faith." However, assurance is given that "the phone line was adding to commercialism and materialism in the world."
Thank god.
In unrelated news, or if you think 34c a minute is too expensive to talk to the lord, there is also a free service for those of us who have good aim with a hammer:
And speaking of Jedi mind tricks, Lindsay Graham (R-SC) is smarter than you think. That's assuming you didn't think he was all that smart. Assuming you thought he was the carrier pigeon for all things good in the world of keeping white men rich, you're probably pretty pissed off.
Anyway, speaking of being pissed off, I have to wrap this up so I can go to Luke Wesley's house and listen to his new album. I'll be sure to set my stop watch so I can let you know how long it takes me to fall asleep.
Mwah!
M
P.S. If you have insomnia at 10pm tonight ...
P.P.S. The Misty Boyce Experience Power Trio That Plays Mostly Ballads will be playing at Rockwood Music Hall ...
P.P.P.P.S. And as if you needed more enticement ...
P.P.P.P.P.S. Yours truly will not only be playing one note at a time for most of the songs in the set ...
P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I'll also be talking through most of one of them.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Melting comes before rusted.
That Noah bit is one of the many Bill Cosby routines that I have committed to memory, word for word.
ReplyDeleteYou see, during my first year of college, I was severely depressed, utterly directionless, and desperately lonely depsite being surrounded by wonderful, engaging people. I tended to isolate myself and abuse alcohol to stave off the overwhelming feelings of futility and hopelessness that were rapidly coming to dominate my waking life...those feelings best expressed by Samuel Beckett as "...that rumour rising at birth and even earlier, What shall I do? What shall I do?"
During this halcyon period, I found that I had trouble sleeping - the silence in my room was deafening and seemed to whisper decidedly non-sweet nothings in my ear. To combat these other-worldly and unwelcome murmurings, I would listen to stand-up comedy as I went to sleep.
Since I personally feel that stand-up comedy bears repeated listening in the same way that a great book bears multiple readings, I listened to many of the same bits over and over and over again, each night, for about a year and a half. In this manner, I committed to memory not only the "Noah" bit from The Cos, but also many others of his. Also stored in the dark corners of my brain is the entirety of Eddie Murphy's "Delirious", most of "RAW", the entirety of "Brian Reagan Live", the entirety of Richard Pryor's "That Nigga's Crazy", most of Chris Rock's "Bigger and Blacker", and various other smaller chunks of wit and wisdom from folks like George Carlin, Bob Newhart, and others.
Try as I might, I could never really connect with Lenny Bruce, but this may be due to the fact that a lot of his recording are of poor quality and he mumbles a lot, which tends to obscure the thrust of many of his rambling monologues.
I heard that in Russia they don't really have stand-up comedy, or barely. I don't know how those people make it through a day. And it's so cold there!
xo
Sean
P.S. Eddie Izzard also does some great riffing on the "Noah" theme.
P.P.S. Many comedic themes are recycled in this way - for example, Richard Pryor has a routine about how something like the scenario in the film "Poltergeist" could only happen to white people, and Eddie Murphy did much the same bit a few years later, with the essence of the jokes virtually unchanged.
P.P.S. Woody Allen has some really great stand-up, believe it or not. His prose writing is also without peer. If you value my opinion in the slightest, I encourage you to purchase Woody Allen: Complete Prose at the soonest opportunity. It is probably pound-for-pound the funniest book ever printed.
P.P.P.S. Once, a woman on a plane approached Grouch Marx and implored him to "say something funny". He responded with "Why don't you go fuck yourself?" Not his finest achievement in terms of wit, but funny in its own way.
P.P.P.P.S. Women be different from men. Thank you, Sinbad.