(ED Note: If you don't have a lot of time on your hands today or you like Mexicans from Brazil, just skip to the P.S. section. You're welcome.
Additional ED Note: Man there were a lot of typos in this first draft. Sorry.)
Hi,
It took so long for me to get online here at the other cafe I sometimes go to which is the same one where I may or may not have gotten food poisoning back on Father's Day that I had almost forgotten everything I was planning to write about today. Lucky for you I have a near photographic memory for anything I want to imagine through the lens of my own desires, needs and/or experiences, just like you do, except I'm clearly grown up enough to admit it and you still need people to say things like "De-Nial ain't just a river in Egypt!" about 17 times a week.
Anyway, this four eyes with the lame t-shirt from the 2006 Urban Outfitters "I am trying to fit in" line of men's clothing is apparently my competition in something called the blogosphere:
I wonder how many people click on his amazon.com link conveniently located in the right hand margin of his page? Maybe it's more than me? Maybe we could team up and help one another make more money, have more success and together find a little piece of something called happiness? Or I could tie a bunch of these flimsy straws together and use them to strangle him from behind while no ones looking at him or his dumb blog.
In related news, if you can name the sayer of the forthcoming quote on a topic that unless you're totally freaking stoned, you'll probably figure out for yourself, which actually makes a kind of, you know, sense, I'll buy you a gum ball.
“Well, if we’re talking about pot, I’m not for the legalization of pot because I think that that would just encourage, especially, our young people to think that it was OK to go ahead and use it. And I’m not an advocate for that. However, I think that we need to prioritize our law enforcement efforts. And if somebody’s gonna smoke a joint in their house and not do anybody else any harm, then perhaps there are other things that our cops should be looking at to engage in and try to clean up some of the other problems that we have in society that are appropriate for law enforcement to do and not concentrate on such a, relatively speaking, minimal problem that we have in the country.”
In related news, unless it's possible to have a person that is only .97 of an actual person, I'm pretty sure that Pat Buchanan is in the market for a new math tutor:
And now, for today's installment of "This Has To Be The Worst Idea Anyone Ever Thought Of!' ...
Which reminds me of a completely different article I am only about half way finished reading and may or may not have provided the preceding link which may or may not represent the views of the writer or editorial slant of imbasile.com.
By the way, if you've never visited imbasile.com, you should totally check it out. Not only is it a great resource for news analysis, a greater resource for gloating over the 2010 Los Angeles Lakers championship and an infinitely greater resource on where to see great electric bass playing in NYC, occasionally the dude who writes it posts photos of himself and, while it may seem surprising to hear from me, he just keeps getting better looking with age. One grey hair at a time. And I'm sure he never wakes up and spends 20 minutes in front of the mirror counting them.
Anyway, we (and by we I mean I) were talking about where I got the link to the article about all these women who've decided that they don't want to look pretty anymore. I got that from this article which was incidentally sent to me by a very pretty girl. Since this is a family orientated enterprise, I can't actually tell you the name of the website where I am reading the article but if you click anywhere on this the lower third of this sentence you will be taken to the article. The only thing I find problematic about the article is that it took so long (something on the order of six paragraphs) to use the word problematic. Fortunately for all of you "English As A First Language That You Needed To Get A Degree In So That You Could Teach It To Other People Who Were Basically Born Able To Speak English", the author does get in subsequent short order to the journalistic equivalent of a TKO: "... at once ..."
Whenever you see "... at once ..." you know there's a real point that's about to be made. Actually two points in one. It's kind of like when you play Tony Hawk's Pro Skater on your iPhone for 3 hours a day and you start combining your kick-flips with your hand plants because you know that you're going to get double the points. So of course, I figured this writer (if you can call someone who isn't actually published on paper by an actual publishing company with an office with windows and a mail room a writer... and an EDITOR!!!!) was really gonna knock my socks off with a brand new point when I saw the "... at once ..." coming from like, 3 sentences away. On the topic of something called "recessionista spending" ...
"Hiding familiar motives behind ambient lighting and organic scented candles, the genre at once masks and promotes the destructive expectations of traditional femininity and consumer culture, making them that much harder to fight."
Which of course wasn't really a new point at all but rather more like the entire point of the article.
Along with the forthcoming overarching point making quote that, as a card carrying life-coach to people like former Gen. McChrystal, proves Ms. Sanders and Ms. Brown are unmaried communists and should be deported back to the Upper West Side immediately:
"As one purveyor of high-end life-coaching services (who, for obvious reasons, wishes to remain anonymous) comments, “In our line of business, we have a saying: ‘Don’t fix the client.’” Once mentors teach clients to attain freedom and enlightenment, they can say goodbye to the high premiums they earn by telling clients they need more help."
In unrelated news, when asked to comment on the above referenced article and how the strong female role models of his youth helped shape the life and work of the greatest singer in rock-n-roll, Mick Jagger responded by quoting his own literary gem from the album "Beggars Banquet":
Stray Cat Blues
I hear the click-clack of your feet on the stairs
I know you're no scare-eyed honey.
There'll be a feast if you just come upstairs
But it's no hanging matter
It's no capital crime
I can see that you're fifteen years old
No I don't want your I.D.
And I can see that you're so far from home
But it's no hanging matter
It's no capital crime
Oh yeah, you're a strange stray cat
Oh yeah, don'tcha scratch like that
Oh yeah, you're a strange stray cat
bet your mama don't know you scream like that
I bet your mother don't know that you spit like that.
You look so weird and you're so far from home
but you really miss your mother
Don't look so scared I'm no mad-brained bear
But it's no hanging matter
It's no capital crime
Bet your mama don't know you scream like that
I bet your mother don't know that you bite like that.
You say you got a friend, she's wilder than you
Well, why don't you bring her upstairs
If she's so wild she can join in too
But it's no hanging matter
It's no capital crime
I bet your mother don't know that you bite like that
I'll bet she never saw you scratch my back
##
In related news, you should definitely mark your calendar now for the debut of The Old Fashioned Ladies Club on August 18, 2010 (at Rockwood Music Hall's fairly bland looking but good enough Stage 2) where I'll be reading War And Peace in it's entirety.
And speaking of misogyny, you should also mark your calendars for Tuesday July 6th at 8pm and come on down to Rockwood Music Hall's glorious new stage where I'll be playing bass for the totally self absorbed songwriter who doesn't even have a new song for the show, Misty Boyce, who will be opening for some forgettable guy who's name is easier to remember if you think of the writers of the four main books in the New Testament. Following that guy will of course be the Casey Shea band. But don't let the order of billing fool you. We/he will still technically be the opening act.
Mwah!
M
P.S. ...
P.P.S. Thanks Vince.
No comments:
Post a Comment