You're probably wondering when I'm gonna give you the scoop on The Old Fashioned Ladies Club but you're just going to have to wait and not because I'm completely having a complete freaking freak out because in fact the preparations are actually going surprisingly, worrisomely, smooth... at least for the first show. In case you were wondering, this is what a complete freaking freak out would look like if I was having one:
Anyway, I'm totally having a complete freaking freak out about the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th shows. But rest assured that said freak out has not only not caused me to lose any sleep, I got about 11 sweltering (why do I keep forgetting to buy an air conditioner?) hours just the night before last, nor does it keep me from being excited about the special guests I can't tell you about for opening night. Anyway, speaking of the night before last and all the sleep that Gen. McChrystal was losing over some comments made by one of his advisors about the coulda shoulda woulda been the first lady POTUS that were apparently not in keeping with the Obama administration's official line...
To directly quote a photo caption from the Huffington Post... The Secretary of State is the only member of Obama's staff to get good reviews from McChrystal's people: "Hillary had Stan's back during the strategic review," says an adviser. "She said 'If Stan wants it, give him what he needs."
Actually, I think he was actually losing sleep over the fact that the above direct quote of a Huffington Post photo caption was actually a quote that they pulled from some kind of an article/interview thing in something called "Rolling Stone" which is apparently something called a magazine which is apparently something made of paper with a bunch of fancy type-setting and photos and a whole bunch of advertisements for the latest products for women that actually won't help said woman get the man of her dreams but will definitely help to ensure that she only makes 76 cents on the dollar compared to the man she's never gonna marry and along the way fill the greedy little pockets of her shrink while she and her girlfriends go to Bloomingdales and try to figure out why and which apparently people that are over the age of 87 know about because they used to get these magazine things delivered by something called a mail man in something called a mail box and actually the real point of this sentence was just to say that the above direct quote of a Huffington Post photo caption was actually a quote that they pulled from some kind of an article/interview thing in something called "Rolling Stone" which is apparently something called a magazine which is apparently something made of paper with a bunch of fancy type-setting and photos and a whole bunch of advertisements for the latest products for women that actually won't help said woman get the man of her dreams but will definitely help to ensure that she only makes 70 cents on the dollar compared to the man she's never gonna marry and along the way fill the greedy little pockets of her shrink while she and her girlfriends go to Bloomingdales and try to figure out why and which apparently people that are over the age of 87 know about because they used to get these magazine things delivered by something called a mail man in something called a mail box and in the interview/article thing there were a bunch of other quotes (some of which were pretty freakin' funny if you ask me, but you're not so whatever... or maybe you are asking me, in which case I think some were pretty funny) that apparently were a kind of violation of military protocol.
To directly quote a photo caption from the Huffington Post... The Secretary of State is the only member of Obama's staff to get good reviews from McChrystal's people: "Hillary had Stan's back during the strategic review," says an adviser. "She said 'If Stan wants it, give him what he needs."
(ED Note: Stand by for the longest sentence in the history of the greatest World Cup performance in World Cup history!)
Actually, I think he was actually losing sleep over the fact that the above direct quote of a Huffington Post photo caption was actually a quote that they pulled from some kind of an article/interview thing in something called "Rolling Stone" which is apparently something called a magazine which is apparently something made of paper with a bunch of fancy type-setting and photos and a whole bunch of advertisements for the latest products for women that actually won't help said woman get the man of her dreams but will definitely help to ensure that she only makes 76 cents on the dollar compared to the man she's never gonna marry and along the way fill the greedy little pockets of her shrink while she and her girlfriends go to Bloomingdales and try to figure out why and which apparently people that are over the age of 87 know about because they used to get these magazine things delivered by something called a mail man in something called a mail box and actually the real point of this sentence was just to say that the above direct quote of a Huffington Post photo caption was actually a quote that they pulled from some kind of an article/interview thing in something called "Rolling Stone" which is apparently something called a magazine which is apparently something made of paper with a bunch of fancy type-setting and photos and a whole bunch of advertisements for the latest products for women that actually won't help said woman get the man of her dreams but will definitely help to ensure that she only makes 70 cents on the dollar compared to the man she's never gonna marry and along the way fill the greedy little pockets of her shrink while she and her girlfriends go to Bloomingdales and try to figure out why and which apparently people that are over the age of 87 know about because they used to get these magazine things delivered by something called a mail man in something called a mail box and in the interview/article thing there were a bunch of other quotes (some of which were pretty freakin' funny if you ask me, but you're not so whatever... or maybe you are asking me, in which case I think some were pretty funny) that apparently were a kind of violation of military protocol.
Here's one or two of the other quotes:
"Are you asking about Vice President Biden?" McChrystal says with a laugh. "Who's that?"
"Biden?" suggests a top adviser. "Did you say: Bite Me?"Anyway, you'll be happy to know that I'll be life coaching the former General through the ups and downs of his new adventure into the world of Unemployment. Lesson #1: Go to the beach as often as possible because:
A. There are lots of pretty much totally undressed pretty girls at the beach. Assuming he likes pretty girls that is. Lord knows he wouldn't have offered much on the subject if he didn't.
B. Vitamin D is really important and you can't really get it anywhere else.
C. If you go to the beach in Coney Island, you can also ride the Wonder Wheel.
D. If you go to the beach in Coney Island and if it's a friday night, you can watch fireworks while riding the Wonder Wheel.
E. If you go this weekend, please take a picture for me because I can't go on account of I have to rehearse with some guy named Casey Shea for one of his dumb shows next week.
F. That shows gonna be a Brooklyn Bowl.
G. That place is freaking huge so I can only imagine that he's having a complete freaking freak out about how many people are gonna come so I guess maybe since I'm about the only friend he has, I should invite you to come.
H. But I won't.
Anyway, in today's installment of "Who Wants To Come See Me Stand On My Head While Drinking A Strawberry Milkshake?" ... I cordially invite you to attend:
Mother Feather
Thursday, June 24th
Mercury Lounge
8:00pm
Mwah!
M
P.S. I think this is funny...
um. what?
ReplyDeleteHave you ever gotten anything in your "P.O. Box"?
ReplyDelete