Crooning 101: R.I.P. To The F1 To The C#2

If you're anything like the 34 people I talked to yesterday, you not only have no idea that Ronnie James Dio has gone to heaven, but additionally you have no idea who in hell Ronnie James Dio is. Or was. Is it is or is it was? Whatever the case may be, someone somewhere is going to find it interesting that all of the people I had an in person conversation with had no idea who in the hell Dio was or is or that he's probably getting a pretty serious grilling from 'ol St. Peter were under the age of 30 while the people I knew would want to hear the news about Dio and his imminent grilling from St. Peter were at least pretty damn close to or over 40 years old and could only be reached via text message. This one guy that I used to work with or for or something typed the following message: "The great elf of darkness is gone... Heavy Metal is dead."

Anyway, since the audience here skews so young and since it's obvious that none of you know crap about rock n roll, today is dedicated to your education on all matters related to one Ronnie James Dio.

But before you fall back asleep I'm sure you'll appreciate that I'm presently reminding you that the inaugural / farewell performance of Gimme That (a band where is sing) is going to happen tomorrow night, 11:30pm, at Banjo Jim's because I know you forgot and were embarrassed to ask and knew that you couldn't use the old "blackberry doesn't always sync that well with iCal" excuse that no one ever believes anyway and besides, why do you still wear that nose ring? I mean, seriously, a nose ring? Next thing you know someone that's not even a woman is gonna resurrect Lilith Fair. BTW, you can feel free to thank me tomorrow for embedding a link to Banjo Jim's that skips the intro page.

In unrelated news, Ronnie James Dio has died. He had stomach cancer. Dio was an American heavy metal singer. I always assumed he was English. I love learning new things. Dio was known not only for being short but for having a truly enviable vocal range that was truly remarkable unless you wanted to write music that people wanted to listen to. His range is evidenced in this impossibly researched video:

Back when I was wondering when I would have hair down there, I knew Ronny best from his band Dio:

And I know him as the guy who took over for Ozzy Osbourne when he left Black Sabbath and everyone stopped listening to Black Sabbath. Here is a video showing why everyone started listening to Black Sabbath. As if you needed a reminder:

Incidentally, I saw Dio sing in person when he was touring with the Black Sabbath that no one listened to and has been touring under the moniker Heaven and Hell because I was the singer in a band, now available for house concerts for a fee of $800.00 plus breakfast (including your family favorite biscuits), that they opened for at Jones Beach. Or something. Anyway, it is now painfully obvious that someone in the audience was much more interested in some guy named Derek than how much this song was inspired by Holy Diver:

Dio also saw UFOs:

And he also had a brilliant response to Lionel Richie and all those do-gooders in the 80's pop world that I am positive only about 14 people in the world remember:

In related news, there is an underwhelming documentary about the greatest player in basketball that you can watch in ten minute segments while you try to fall asleep wondering who won the Miss America pageant:

Mwah!

M