Variety 101: Banned In The NYC

Hi,

Did you hear the one about the country that may or may not have been founded on a certain set of principles that may or may not include religious and cultural freedom except as it related to the two or so million people that for a few thousand years had been living on the land that makes up said country and/or relates to Muslims? I forget the punch line, but I'm pretty sure it's a good one.

Speaking of punch lines, today is the day after my variety show got banned from the only venue that I ever wanted to do the show in. In case you hadn't heard about it, the show was called The Old Fashioned Ladies Club. It was a music centric variety show, featuring sketch comedy and a smattering of vaudeville. Since we just did the show on Wednesday night, I'm pretty sure I still remember everything that I remember happening. Which may or may not be what ended up on film. But since I was educated in the greatest public school system in the history of revisionist history, I know that no one really cares if you get the story right. You just need a pretty good punch line.

Anyway, if you don't mind shutting up for about five seconds, I'll give you my version of Wednesday night in a little segment I like to call: "The Rise And Fall Of The Old Fashioned Ladies Club Featuring The Recollections Of Matt Basile" ...

Let's start with the superlatives shall we? Yes. We shall. Because this is my forum and I will do whatever I want and no one can ever not tell me to my face that they don't like what I have to say.

Anyway. Let's get back to what I think...

For August 18th, 2010's The Old Fashioned Ladies Club:

The award for Best Female Vocal Of A Theme Song goes to: Misty Boyce

The award for Best Comedy Sketch Involving A Violin Bow and A Shout Out To Palm Bay, FL goes to: Casey Spindler

The award for Best Looking Guitar Solo goes to: Mark Marshall

The award for Best ...

(Editor's Note: This edition of "Experiment's In Self Aggrandizement By Matt Basile" was interrupted yesterday so that I could play a gig with Mother Feather at Mercury Lounge. I am now going to try to get back into the proverbial "zone" here and finish my story about being banned from Rockwood Music Hall by listening to the new CeeLo track on repeat.)

... Interpretative Dance Involving Scarves goes to: Abby Ahmad

The award for Best Sponsor Activation goes to: Casey Shea

The award for Best Drummer Over 6' 7" Tall goes to: Chris Benelli

The award for Best Paper Mache Ball By An Engaged Stage Manager goes to: Angela Cheng

The award for Best Bass Performance Despite Jet-Lag goes to: Tony Maceli

The award for Best Special Effects goes to: Andy Fitzpatrick

The award for Best Impersonation Of The Olsen Twins While Taking Pictures Of Me In My Underwear goes to: Ann Courtney and Lizzie Carena

The award for Best Sword Swallower goes to: Heather Holliday

The award for Best Comedy Skit Involving Multiple Layers Of Socio-Political Commentary That No One Really Got But Still Garnered A Great Laugh goes to: Luke Wesley

The award for Best Critique Of The OFLC goes to: Pierre

And finally, the award for Best Execution Of The Principles Of Method Acting goes to: Michael Vitacco

Oh! And speaking of things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things, in case you hadn't heard, the US has officially withdrawn all combat troops from "Greatest War In The History Of Driving Service Men And Women To Suicide".

In related news, did I mention that I started a variety show at Rockwood Music Hall and we got banned after the opening night? Pretty cool huh? Well, in case you haven't been there, you should know that Rockwood Music Hall is really nice. So nice in fact that, in the warm glow of it's well appointed antique lighting, plush red velvet walls, a truly marvelous wrought iron balcony with accompanying staircase and augmented by a particularly inventive make-shift spotlight held on high by the world's first "Human Applause Sign", a small town guy like me can suddenly be transformed so as to look so good that he gets mistakenly identified as a cross between Warren Beatty and Mick Jagger by a lovely patron who may or may not have literally crawled onto the stage in order to sink her pearly whites into the soft flesh of my buttocks.

Anyway, the show is called The Old Fashioned Ladies Club. And aside from a few rookie mistakes, the fact that I remember a lot of people laughing through pretty much the whole thing makes me think the show went pretty well. So, with that in mind, we're gonna look for a new venue. Hopefully you'll be interested in coming to see us there too.

(Editor's Note: Have you heard this song...?

Mwah!

M

P.S. This guy is living proof that if you just shut up and write some good and then get up on stage in front of 200 strangers and sing your ass off for 40 minutes, you can sell every last copy of your new CD at a merchandise table that didn't even have a representative from your record label staffing.

P.P.S. The Power.

P.P.P.S. I'm playing with Nick Africano tomorrow night.

P.P.P.P.S. I'm playing Muddy Waters tunes with Mark Marshall on Monday.

P.P.P.P.P.S. Oh, and I'm singing one too.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. If you could see me now, I'm pooping my pants.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Not really. That's a figure of speech meant to demonstrate my reverence for Muddy Waters and how I am nervous to sing one of his songs.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I did however just finish a pretty big cup of coffee so in a few minutes I will probably actually be pooping.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. As you may have heard, I was a little distracted on August 18th... Please let the record show that I am proud to share the anniversary of the start and end of The OFLC with your hot mom's birthday!

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Thanks to these guys for the bass amp last night.

Variety 101: 36 Hours, 3 minutes and Counting

Hi,

If you come to The Old Fashioned Ladies Club tomorrow night you'll understand why I've just been ignoring you and that I did not in fact change my name in order to evade all of the easily accessible incriminating evidence against me as has been suggested by some.

If you don't come to The Old Fashioned Ladies Club tomorrow night, I'll know that you really are a big fat poopy-faced monster of a bad person.

And you'll also be missing a wallop of a good time show featuring the likes of ...

Miss Misty Boyce who can also be seen, later tonight at Pianos with a certain bass player who somehow just keeps better and better looking, one long wiry grey hair at a time. That happens at 8pm. Followed by Luke Wesley, who you may also be missing if you don't come to The OFLC tomorrow night.

Mr. Casey Shea who can also be seen on Thursday Night with a certain bass player who somehow just keeps better and better looking, one long wiry grey hair at a time. That show happens at Highline Ballroom at 8pm. Or something.

Mother Feather's own Ann Courtney and Lizzie Carena who can also be seen later this week with a certain bass player who somehow just keeps better and better looking, one long wiry grey hair at a time, on Friday August 20th at Mercury Lounge. That's at 9pm. Or something.

You'll also be missing people like Andy Fitzpatrick. He doesn't have any other gigs that I know of but if he did, you'd get to hear some of the best songs written. Period.

And you'll be missing the second half of The NickCasey Band. Who you may have already missed on Sunday night but you can see on the third Sunday of next month and the third Sunday of all the other months left in 2010 at The Living Room.

And you'll be missing celebrity-one-man-five-minute-theatre.

And you'll be missing a special guest that I guarantee can do things you never even considered doing. Period.

But it's cool. Stay home if you want to. No one really cares. I mean, I sure don't. You probably don't have anything to wear on account of your bad taste in fashion.

Mwah!

M

P.S. I wish I could say you'd be missing this ...

P.P.S. But you won't.

P.P.P.S. Cuz I just showed it to you.

P.P.P.P.S. you can thank me tomorrow night ...

P.P.P.P.P.S. At The Old Fashioned Ladies Club.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Debuts at Midnight, Wednesday August 18th on Rockwood Music Hall's Stage 2.

Home Economics 101: Welcome Home Mr. Basile

Greetings from my new apartment, where happiness = having a kitchen table.

Variety 101: On This Day...

Hi,

Holy crap. It's been a while since we've seen each other and really talked. I mean like, really talked. I mean like, I'm always so interested in your perspective on things. It's a really interesting perspective you have. On things. Have you gained weight? I mean, no, I don't think you look fat. I think if anything I think that you used to look too skinny maybe. Anyway, forget I brought it up.

Me? Oh, things are cool. I know. I haven't written since the 17th anniversary of my dad dying. I've just, I don't know, been busy or something. I moved. If you can call transporting 7 burn infested boxes moving. And they weren't even boxes. They were crates. Actually they still are crates. And now the crates that used to hold the record collection I hope still works, are in one of the many cabinets I have in my new apartment. In fact, there are more cabinets in this apartment than in any apartment I have ever lived in. Probably you too. But even more intellectually confounding is the number of light switches that don't turn on a given light. There are definitely more light switches that don't turn on a given light in my new apartment than there are in the 213 square foot bead bug infested death trap of a tenement you call a home. Yeah, you should totally buy that apartment.

Anyway, I know you have to get back to work or get back to looking for work or get back to whatever it is you think you're doing. So, I'm gonna get to answering your questions about The Old Fashioned Ladies Club.

First, I know you heard about the amazingly inventive blurb that was published in Rockwood Music Hall's electronically distributed digital representation of a newsletter wherein they highlight all of the upcoming performances that they believe are going to be at least three times as good as any of the Casey Shea gigs that will never get highlighted in said electronically distributed digital representation of a newsletter. Even if they were at Rockwood. Anyway, below is an italicized rendition of that announcement about The OFLC.

Coming Wednesday nights to Rockwood Music Hall, a revisionist recipe on the classic variety show cocktail.

Ingredients:

Three parts Music. One part Sketch Comedy.

One part Vaudeville. One Special Guest. Dash Political Satire.

Directions:

Combine comedy and vaudeville in Old Fashioned glass and muddle.

Add music and political satire over ice and stir.

Garnish with special guest. Serve with a smile.

Sponsored by Harris Radio, The Old Fashioned Ladies Club debuts

Wednesday August 18th at midnight on Rockwood Music Hall’s Stage 2.

Visit the official OFLC site and be redirected to our facebook page!: http://theoldfashionedladiesclub.com/

Wow. I mean, like, wow. Whoever wrote that sure is creative. Kind of like whoever wrote a certain fifteen to twenty second segment of music that you heard when you were watching Bravo's latest contribution to the burgeoning experimental art-form known as "Reality TV" on Tuesday night. That's right kids. The Rich Girls classic, "You And What's His Name" was featured in the most recent episode of "Flipping Out." You can't believe how impressed you are. Sure beats having your music defaced by the like of "The Gates" that's for sure. Anyway, we're gonna make so much money off of this that I may never have to write to you again.

Oh, and speaking of new things I do that probably won't make me money either, it's time to get back to The Old Fashioned Ladies Club and tell you to come down, enjoy the show, and maybe even sit in and be a part of the show. A small part of the show that is. Let's just get that straight.

Anyway. Like I said, the debut OFLC is Wednesday August 18th.

The show starts at Midnight.

The theme for next weeks show is "On This Day..."

That means I've thought a little bit about the history of August 18th.

Birthdays. Historical Events. That kind of thing.

And speaking of music and August 18th.

We'll be playing songs from the Billboard Top Ten from August 18th, 1983.

In case you were sleeping or trapped in the throws a cocaine induced nightmare in the early 80's, the top ten songs in the greatest country in the history of ill informed anti-religious-freedom-debates on August 18th, 1983 were:

1. Every Breath You Take - The Police

2. Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This - Eurythmics

3. She Works Hard For The Money - Donna Summer

4. Maniac - Michael Sembello

5. Is There Something I Should Know - Duran Duran

6. Stand Back - Stevie Nicks

7. Flashdance... What A Feeling - Irene Cara

8. It's A Mistake - Men At Work

9. Never Gonna Let You Go - Sergio Mendes

10. (Keep Feeling) Fascination - The Human League

Holy crap! That's gonna be fun! Add in the first ever Old Fashioned Ladies Club audition segment featuring members of ________ and ________ along with the greatest display of yo-yo histrionics from the likes of _________ and you've got something to do on Wednesday night after all. And let's not forget a special guest that is not __________ ! Top it off with a certain celebrity guest appearance for a one-man-five-minute theatre and you've really really got something to do on Wednesday night after all! Oh, and there's more. But I have to go because I have a life. See you on Wednesday after you click this sentence and go to The OFLC Facebook page.

Mwah!

M

P.S. If you wanna sit in, you should click this sentence.

P.P.S. If you wanna hire a great designer, you should ask me about the guy who made this logo...