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Sunday, January 31, 2010

Time Management 101: Comment Moderation and The Art Of Being Monetized

Hi Kids,

I interrupt the sweet sounds of the new, to me, Black Bunny album (featuring the six string shenanigans of one Chrisso of future Mother Feather fame) to fill you in on just how the Casey Shea Band got to the point of Saturday night's colossal meltdown at Rockwood Music Hall.

It started innocently enough with a quick pint to celebrate the engagement of one Dean McCarthy (of Margarita Club infamy) to some girl I've never met but will assume is probably not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

From there we headed out for out secret-ritual-pre-show dance party. It's a great band bonding experience and motivational tool that Casey learned while getting his MBA in Underwater Basket Weaving at FSU. And since it was Nick Webber's week to pick the spot, he upped the ante and took us all slummin' to his most fav spot in the always inviting and underdressed West Village, Don Hill's!!!! Just look at how excited he is to be there...

Maybe he'll try to relax a bit before this week's world tour of Williamsburg, Manhattan and Cambridge. Cambridge!?!?!?!?! Holy crap. We have officially arrived!!!! Before you know it, we'll be playing in Ithaca, home of the greatest marquee in all of rock:

In other news, I did not go to the Rubin Museum yesterday to see the Jung exhibit on his Red Book. But I meant to. Maybe if you've got some free time this week you'll finally call and take me out on a day date.

I'll be holding my breath.

In the meantime I'll keep reading Wise Blood 'till I pass out.

In other other news, you can help me pay my rent by clicking on the ads at the bottom of the right margin. That's right kids, I have officially been monetized. And I have to say that once you get used to the itch (which is incidentally nothing a little cortizone cream won't fix up in just a few short days), it really starts to feel pretty good. And you too will feel good about getting in on the ground floor of what promises to be an empire of some or another scale. So, welcome to my financial future. Happy clicking.

Finally, today is Tommy Merrill's Birthday. If you didn't know, Tommy is the Senior Executive Vice President Of Talent Buying over at Rockwood Music Hall. So if you don't go on facebook right now and wish him a happy birthday you'll be relegating yourself to the 3pm slot on a Sunday afternoon for the rest of your pathetic little music career life. Pucker up bitches!

M

P.S. I'm gonna listen to the new All Night Chemist's album right after I finish up with side 2 of The Idiot.
P.P.S. You should too.
P.P.P.S. Both of 'em.
P.P.P.P.S. If you didn't already, you should click on the words All Night Chemist's and get yourself redirected to a page where you can download the album for free.
P.P.P.P.P.S. Because I told you to.
P.P.P.P.P.P.S. KOBE!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Corrections Facility 101: Better To Brown Bag It.

Hi,

I just saw the Jeff Bridges movie where he impersonates Chris Kristofferson. It was pretty good. It reminded me of when my biological father called me when I was around 25 and I didn't have much of anything to say to him either. And it also reminded me how freaking annoying it is that Hollywood movies always have to tie the story up in a bow. But at least they left that part pretty on point.

This morning(ish) I heard about this book called SUM by David Eagleman. In it he talks about the afterlife and all the ways Chris Buttars will one day be _____________.
He also mentions three forms of death. The first would be kinda like when my dad (the one that raised me) was watching TV one afternoon in 1993 and took a nap, as was his custom, and never woke up. The second part is the whole funeral thing which I guess can be a pretty cool ceremony in some cultures like when Segourney Weaver dies in Avatar, but in my culture it sucked and was so sad I kept forgetting to cry until like two years later. Anyway, the really interesting part of this interview was about the third and final form of death: "... sometime in the future when your name is spoken for the last time."

Right now I'm listening to Johnny Cash's Folsom Prison album.
Sounds like it was quite a party.
My dad worked at this prison for about 28 years...
He probably supervised the making of that sign.
Legend has it that one day one of the inmates took a giant crap in the giant vat of spaghetti sauce that everyone who worked and lived there was gonna eat.
I guess they all ate it...

Speaking of prison...
I'll be playing tonight with Casey Shea at Rockwood. We go on at 1AM(ish).

Mwah!

M

P.S. Except my dad.
P.P.S. My mom packed him a roast beef sandwich that day.
P.P.P.S. I bet that job kinda sucked.


Friday, January 29, 2010

Standards And Practices 101: Alternative Submission

Some late breaking, to me anyway, news...

The following ad has been rejected by CBS for airing during the Superbowl.



You can read more about the 1st Amendment and why Kurt Warner is retiring from the NFL at the Huffington Post.

Mwah!

P.S. ...


English Lit 101: Kill The DJ

Hi. Hello. Greetings.

I know. I know it's hard. To have spent the last 24 hours with your browser pointed here, incessantly refreshing and pining for some relief from the disinhibited attachment disorder you most likely haven't been diagnosed with and simply chalk up to being old enough to have grey hair yet unsettled enough in career to still be living with roommates and occasionally borrowing money from your amicably divorced parents, only to find that I really had just plain skipped a day in posting a posting. It's hard. I know it's hard. I get lonely too. Sometimes I even read old letters. (And, when it gets really bad, I watch It's A Wonderful Life and cry like an infant.) So, I'm sorry if you feel like I haven't been giving you the attention our relationship has so obviously been needing. I'm sorry if you feel like I haven't been working on myself and how sometimes, that can, you know, affect both of us sometimes because you care so much. You really do. Truth is that I was thinking about you. It's just that I was also looking at someone else and wished you looked as good. Or at least dressed as fashionably. So there, I said it. Are you happy now? No, I didn't think so. Nobody ever really wants to hear the truth. A lotta these phonies just wanna hear a bunch of phony phoniness.

And there was a pretty long line at McDonald's. And I was rushing around a lot. Here's proof:

And speaking of phonies...
There's real phony DJ album that's been playing, and pontificated on by the Columbia PhD candidate cum barrista, here at the new Starbucks over on Bedford and N. 5th St. Basically, this phony took a bunch of classic pop songs from the early 1980's and slowed them down. So Phil Collins and Tears For Fears and Eurythmics all sound, well, a little bit like me singing. Only more in tune. He's also added in a really dumb delay effect that was really pretty embarrassing if you think about it. I'm surprised he didn't add in some real phony "woosh" sound effects like the guy that used to mix the audio for VH1 promos would always put in to make them seem like something exciting was actually gonna be airing next Friday at 9/8c. Actually, that woulda been pretty damn funny. But he didn't. So it isn't. Actually that album and the fact that the free internet signal I was getting there being down caused me to relocate. Now I'm at some joint called the L Stop listening to Sean Paul (who like me, looks pretty damn good for his age) and 50 Cent. I feel like I'm in Connecticut. And I like it. I should go visit my Aunt Vincie one of these days. Or mamma Lynne. Christ, I've got a lot of catching up to do.

In case you don't know who Sean Paul is:

And in case you don't know my Auntie V. This is the view from her back porch where we smoke cigarettes and dispose of them in an old I Can't Believe It's Not Butter container filled with water. We double check that the lid is on tight because you never know when something will catch fire.

Legend has it that my grandfather Gaetano Basile made his own wine from the grape vine to the side of the garage. I don't know if that's really true though because he was dead before I was born so I never got to ask him. I do know that my grandmother Anna Basile, who we called Noni, made the best fig cookies you'll never get to taste because she's dead too. She used fresh figs from the trees not shown in the photo above. Trust me, they're there. And they were the best fig cookies ever and if you disagree I'll punch you in the face.

In other news...
There has been a lot of pretty interesting news over the last couple of days. Notably the death of freedom fighter, and principle ghost-author of the Republican Party's Contract With America back in 1994, Howard Zinn. A champion of white male dominance he consistently espoused obfuscation in the seminal work A People's History Of The United States, playing one of the 20th centuries great cruel jokes on the liberal elite and their conditional bleeding hearts. Because when prominent liberal voices are filling the void of youth with the tyrannical declaration that, "Democracy doesn't come from the top. It comes from the bottom. Democracy is not what governments do. It's what people do..." I thank my lucky stars and stripes that I don't live in a democracy.

This man however, does live in a democracy...

In today's installment of "The Fashion Police" ...
To the good looking fellow in Emily Easterly's band. Here's the tie I was telling you about:

Call me sometime. We'll go shopping.

And in today's installment of "About Last Night" ...
You'll be happy to know that DreamWorks Records not only came a' scouting at the Lucinda Williams Tribute at Banjo Jim's but in the end were so impressed with my rendition of Pineola that they've decided to DROP Casey Shea and have signed me to a 13 year, 9 album recording contract on the condition that I never again step foot on the same stage as Chris Cubeta and the Liars Club. We're still working on the details of the contract, but with any luck I'll still be able to consult with Jeff Berner on where to get a decent drink on Grand St.

Finally, to the guy who keeps writing me asking for further explanation on how Emile's foot got burnt when he tried to use boiling water to clean his bathtub... He tried using boiling water to clean his bathtub for crying out loud. The best part is, he left his socks on, so it held the heat in.

And another finally...
The Casey Shea Band will finally gonna be done saying our weekly 1AM penance at Rockwood Music Hall this Saturday. Come down. Or don't. It's fine... nobody likes you anyway.

M

P.S. Oh... and stop going to the gym so much.
P.P. S. You're too skinny.
P.P.P.S. But don't get fat either.
P.P.P.P.S. R.I.P.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Impersonation 101: Restraining Orders And The Case For The Windmill Bubble

Good afternoon,

This morning(ish) I came across one of the best Op-Eds I've read in I don't know how long.
Certainly my personal favorite from Maureen Dowd.
And if you're like me, you care what I think.
Really, why else would you be here?
You can read it too if you want.
In fact, I encourage you to.
Here's a link:

And, in case you were wondering, this is what I had for breakfast(ish)...










And while I'm thinking about it, here's something else someone showed me a while ago.

In other news, today I filed a restraining order against Casey Shea.
You can find out why at our show on Saturday night at Rockwood Music Hall, located in the oblique strategy that is the Lower East Side of Manahattananananah.
We go on at 1am.

And now for some big big big news...
In today's installment of "Ann Courtney Is Dead" I bring you the following evidence of her recent abduction from the constant gardeners of all things not entirely relevant except for the occasional political reporting nobody actually reads, our good friends at Rolling Stone.












Below is the link to the RS article. The astute among you will notice the striking resemblance to the real Ms. Courtney, Ms. Lizzie's wig and my prom dress notwithstanding, but will alas be not fooled as close inspection reveals the young lady in question to be one Jann Courtney. And if that weren't suspicious enough, notice the age. (Ed Note: I would tell you her real age but I spent enough time living in the south to know that's impolite). Only the location is accurate, and in fact matches the last known sighting of Ann.

And to one Ms. Geraldeen Bixley who left this comment on (J)Ann's stunning attire ...
"Hey, I have an idea. Instead of having my OWN style I'm just going to emulate my favorite pop star's style and I'm going to do it very poorly and look like a fool."
... You're endless days of searching for love and happiness have come to a dramatic and promising end. Go ahead and cancel that match.com account and head on over to http://lefsetz.com/wordpress/ ... It sounds to me like Bob Lefsetz were made for each other. You could follow each other around to all sorts of concerts, movies and openings all the while basking in the glory of preconceived notion and projected self fulfilling prophecy. Assuming you're into men that is.














And yes, if you're wondering where all these powers of deductive reasoning come from...
I saw Sherlock Holmes the other week.
It wasn't nearly as good as Avatar.
But it was still pretty awesome.

Finally, a clarification. Thanks to the teeming masses who brought to my attention that yesterday's missive was not without it's lack of attention to detail regarding the foot. To paraphrase the greatest movie in history, "That's what happens when you spill boiling water in the bathtub."

Have a good night...

M

P.S. Don't forget to call your mom this week.
P.P.S. Don't complain that you don't have time.
P.P.P.S. I've got two of 'em to keep track of.
P.P.P.P.S. In further proof that he's the most popular kid in High School...
P.P.P.P.P.S. Mr. Wakey! Wakey! has got a little muzak on the new iPad commercial thing.
P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Here is a link to be friends with Mike: facebook.com
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Here is a link to the ad: http://www.apple.com/ipad/#video
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Here is a link to the greatest ad ever: youtube.com

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Home Economics 101: Rub-A-Dub-Dub and what NOT to use to clean your tub!

For the last ten minutes or so I've been listening to Eddie Henderson's track We End In A Dream as linked to hypem.com (thanks to V. Bley for turning me on to this site). There were a few moments when I sensed something was fishy, but dismissed the fleeting cacophony to either A: The extra serving of mashed potatoes from Crown Fried Chicken or B: Eddie Henderson being one deep, deep MoFo. Seems I had gotten lost whilst trying to set up a google AdSense account for this little enterprise and along the way stumbled onto the Clumsy and Shy blog (clumsynshy.blogspot.com) where the original E. Henderson post was and it started playing the same track about 10 seconds later. Turns out Mr. Henderson is deep, but not that deep.

And it turns out that this experience is not nearly as interesting to write about as it was to, well... experience. Kind of like Zaireeka (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zaireeka) was a much more interesting Flaming Lips album to think about than it was to actually listen to. So, I'm sorry if read that and you thought it was boring.

If you want to read something interesting, you might consider...

However, if you're into the whole boring thing, you could check this out...

Anyway, while we're on the topic of experimental entertainment, the History Channel debuted a fine bit of programming to it's Monday night prime time schedule last week and they've chosen to use a bit of muzak from the best looking and 432nd hardest working band no longer in show business to help outline and no doubt accentuate the edginess of the show itself and more importantly it's rough and tumble hosts. That's right kids, American Pickers (Monday Nights at 9/8c) has licensed the Rich Girls classic "Latchkey Kids" as part of the opening montage for the show.

The History Channel: Tune in for the classic rock. Stay for the cutting edge programming.

And if you too feel like giving up your hard earned cash to a group of washed-up-almost-beens, you can click this link and buy your little heart out while you read our two conflicting reviews:

Before I get to some other news, you should listen to this dude Antoine I came across today. While you're listening you can pretend you're me and wonder about how long it's gonna take for google to review my AdSense application so I can start making some cash for all my trouble...

And now for the other news. As some of you know, I am not only an avid Lakers fan but I am also taller than Derek Fisher. So it warms my little heart to inform you that after what some feared to be an midwest cum east coast vs. west coast war inducing jest-fest between Mr. POTUS (AKA, the Great Appeaser) and the the NBA's all-time leader in assists per game, with a career average of 11.2, all is apparently well and forgiveness bestowed. Magic and Obama are gonna ball just as soon as you can say Spring Showers Bring May Flowers. Said Mr. Johnson, "...once the weather breaks, we'll be out there." Read more and click through to the original article at the webs number one source for hard news...

Lastly, if you're like me, you believe time is money. And nothing spells "waste of money" like spending valuable time away from the corner of 34th St and 9th Ave for an afternoon of cleaning your bathroom. Fortunately, if you're like me, we're both in luck. If you're not like me, then you should stop reading and go see what Casey Shea is up to over at: http://caseysheamusic.com/blog/. Maybe he's posted a new video of his wife shopping. But I doubt it. Anyway, like I was saying... If you're like me, then we're both in luck. Just this week Emile Mosseri has traded in his 1973 P-Bass, and his role as founding member of future indy-rock-has-beens The Dig, to found his very own Emile's A-Maid-Zing Cleaning Services. Bearing the slogan "No Stain Too Hoggin' ... No Drain Too Cloggin'...", Emile is sure to find his fortune and seems on strong footing from the start. Here's a glimpse at the aftermath of his stain attacking skills...


... You should see the bathtub.

M

P.S. I'll be singing a different song than I thought at the Lucinda Williams Tribute on Thursday.
P.P.S. It's at Banjo Jim's here in NYC.
P.P.P.S. That's on Ave C and 9th St
P.P.P.P.S. I'll probably go on around 11pm.
P.P.P.P.P.P.S. There will be other people singing starting around 8pm.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Not that you'd want to listen to anyone else.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Karaoke 101: Poison Ivy and the art of Hoggin' with Goggin

Good Afternoon,

One can imagine your dismay at this weeks gap in missives and disappointment to learn that I've no good excuse. Rest assured though, that I have been healthy, reasonably not unhappy and of course well fed. Just this morning I had a wonderful sausage and egg sandwich at the uniquely named and classically appointed Diner. Located on the picturesque block of Broadway and Berry in S. Williamsburg, this place is so self consciously behind and within the times as to make you at once want to keep note it for all your visiting friends from Manhattan as further proof of the many fine Brooklyn brunch purveyors and throw up in your mouth. Or on the counter. Or ask the waitstaff just what the hell it was that the quarterback of his upper middle class high school football team did to him in the locker room shower after being named Home Coming King that made him so lacking in basic social graces, let alone manners as related to the profession of waiting tables?

In other news, I read a pretty cool interview with Brian Eno. Here are the two best parts according to me:

"If you grow up in a very strong religion like Catholicism you certainly cultivate in yourself a certain taste for the intensity of ideas. You expect to be engaged with ideas strongly whether you are for or against them. If you are part of a religion that very strongly insists that you believe then to decide not to do that is quite a big hurdle to jump over. You never forget the thought process you went through. It becomes part of your whole intellectual picture..."

"I think records were just a little bubble through time and those who made a living from them for a while were lucky. There is no reason why anyone should have made so much money from selling records except that everything was right for this period of time. I always knew it would run out sooner or later. It couldn't last, and now it's running out. I don't particularly care that it is and like the way things are going. The record age was just a blip. It was a bit like if you had a source of whale blubber in the 1840s and it could be used as fuel. Before gas came along, if you traded in whale blubber, you were the richest man on Earth. Then gas came along and you'd be stuck with your whale blubber. Sorry mate – history's moving along. Recorded music equals whale blubber. Eventually, something else will replace it..."

You can read the whole shebang here:

I have an Irish friend who found Mr. Eno's thoughts on being raised Catholic particularly interesting considering his being English. Having been raised Catholic but never having been oppressed I thought his thoughts were just interesting on their own. I could also use them as a segue to todays installment of "This Day In History - or - Are We Really Still Debating This?" ...
That's right, today marks the 37th anniversary of the SCOTUS landmark decision in the case of Roe V. Wade. Like you, I have my own views on the subject. They are many, varied and... nevermind. Anyway, today on the NPR show Tell Me More, Michel Martin conducted two pretty interesting interviews on the subject. Since the show is over now, you can read or listen to them here:

Moving right along to today's installment of "How Do You Spell MassachusettEs - or -Why Aren't We Debating This?" ...
While this may seem petty, I kinda do think Ms. Coakley deserved to lose if for no other reason than having a campaign ad that misspelled her state. Politics is local. And furthermore, it's 2010... I can't even misspell Massachusetts here without it being highlighted. Anyway, that's not even the point. There's about 618 reasons she woulda lost even if her copywriter wasn't working off a 1904 Underwood No. 5. The obvious point is, shouldn't we be wondering why Scott Brown can be elected to the US Senate after doing this in Playgirl:


... And Carol Shaya got fired from the NYPD for doing this in Playboy:


... and the fact that Brown was elected to the Senate by the same party that practically ground our country to a legislative halt for the latter half of the Clinton presidency over something his wife didn't even divorce him over is... oh, never mind.

Now, in further evidence to my unending importance to the world at large, I'm off to show Ann Courtney (motherfeather.com) how to transfer mp3's from iTunes onto her iPod. Isn't it great having a man around?

M

P.S. For the teaming masses who've missed hearing me miss the notes, you're in luck.
P.P.S. I'll be singin' one of my favorite songs at the Lucinda Williams tribute show at Banjo Jims next week.
P.P.P.S. It might be almost as good as singing Poison Ivy at karaoke with 2/4ths of The Dig (thedigmusic.com).
P.P.P.P.S. But not nearly as fun as Hoggin' with Goggin'.
P.P.P.P.P.S. Don't ask.