Variety 101: "Weigh More, Pay More" and Other Platform Positions From "The Problem Is The Patriarchy"

Hi,

Wanna hear about my life while I listen to John Lennon's album ...

... "Milk and Honey" right after I got home from rehearsal for Wes Hutchinson's ...

... show tomorrow night and right before rehearsal for Casey Shea's ...

...Halloween Debacle on Sunday?

Good. Me too. Here we go!

First of all, for those of you who didn't attend The Old Fashioned Ladies Club on Wednesday night, you should probably keep reading since I'm probably never gonna talk to you again on account of the fact that you didn't come to The Old Fashioned Ladies Club on Wednesday and now there's probably no other way for for you to find out everything that you missed by being such a terrible friend. In the unlikely event that you did have a good excuse for missing out on the best show we, and by we I mean everyone except for Andy, did all night you can print out the following digital representation of the poor excuse for a PlayBill that I made in the shape of a table tent and after memorizing all the names of the people listed pretend that you were there in the form of lying to me the next time you see me and thus maintain what's left of our fractured relationship.

In case you're not smart enough to figure out how a table tent works, just print the digital representation of said table tent provided above, disregarding the pink fold indicators, and while standing in the smallest room in your home, fold the poor excuse for a PlayBill into the shape of an airplane and practice flying said airplane around the room until you poke yourself in the eye, which will serve you right for missing the show.

And speaking of pink and the closeout sale for all the guilt inspiring yogurt on display at your local grocer, below is a photographic representation of The OFLC's latest public service announcement "Male Mammogram" that you missed out on by being such a horrible person. Anyway, since it's important, the point was that men can get Breast Cancer too. But since we don't talk anymore, I guess you'll have to borrow a dime from someone else.

Okay. I'm almost out of time. I leave you with a sneak peek at The OFLC's green room featuring Michael Karas ...

... who eventually went on stage and juggled to the tune of "Giant Steps" as performed by Misty Boyce and Chris Benelli and another photo that I'll let you describe for yourself.

Mwah!

M

Sports 101: Rich Girls To Miami Heat, "Go Lakers!"

Hi,

Just a quick news flash while I prepare for The OFLC.

In the following embedded video you will learn more about why The Lakers freaking rule and hear about 10 seconds of failed NYC rocker band Rich Girls anthem "Latchkey Kids". If you hate sports but love me, just scan to the 8:55 mark.

Mwah!

M

P.S. Happy Birthday Andrew Bynum!

Variety 101: Help Me Pull A Rabbit Out Of My Hat

Hi,

So, I have a question.

Let's say we were casual, friendly acquaintances and because my apartment was so small, I asked you to hold onto something for me.

It doesn't really matter what it is, except that it's not exactly small...

Which is of course the reason I can't keep it in my small apartment.

And of course, it's pretty valuable to me...

Which is why I don't wanna just leave it on the curb for the next enterprising New Yorker to pick up and have all to his or herself.

For the sake of argument, let's say the thing I ask you to hold onto is my variety show...

I call you up and say "Hi, I have this variety show called The Old Fashioned Ladies Club, but it's too big for my apartment, can I leave it at your place for a while?"

And you say "Oh yeah? I've heard of The OFLC. That's the variety show where you had that famous sword swallower Heather Holliday at your debut right?"

And I go "Yeah, she was there. It was awesome."

And you say "Dude, I heard about that. And isn't that the same night the guy did a 5 minute theater thing that coulda been a scene straight out of Jackass 3D?"

And I go "Uh huh."

And you say "Yeah man. I love your variety show. I went to the one two weeks ago and there was this great comic, and a dude who freakin' shaved his face while he was juggling bowling pins! Unreal! Is he gonna come back for this week's show?"

And I go "No, but he's super cool. And he's totally gonna come back to do that or some other thing that would never occur to me."

And you say "That's great, cuz I really like that guy. I mean, the Shakespeare guy was actually pretty depressing and I think the guy who sang 110th Street could do a better job memorizing the lyrics in the future, but otherwise, it was a pretty awesome show."

And I go "Thanks dude. I'm really glad you like it. Does that mean you'll let me leave my variety show in your apartment for a while? I mean, you can watch it whenever you want, just don't take it outside cuz it's pretty valuable to me."

And you say "Ummm, yeah I guess that's fine. I mean, I'm sure I could get some use out of it."

And then, let's say that after about a year and a half, you move out of your apartment and you call me to come pick up my variety show...

But I never do.

And then, let's say after another six months, you move again and you call me to pick up my variety show...

But I never do.

And then a few more years pass and you're about to move and you call me to pick up my variety show...

But I never do.

And then maybe you figure that since, all told, about five years have passed since I asked you to hold onto my variety show...

And since you've not only moved my variety show all over Manhattan, to Brooklyn, and back, and back again...

Not to mention the grand total of 17 sets of staircases...

But you've also grown accustomed to...

Eating your meals...

And typing emails...

On top of my variety show...

And thus you kind of sort of figured that I had relinquished ownership of my variety show...

Since for the last five years, I never seemed to care enough to come and get it.

Then, one day, you post a message about how you got a new 1966 Fender Twin Reissue Guitar Amp on facebook...

And when I see that message I think to myself "Hey, I haven't talked to that casually friendly acquaintance for the better part of five years!"

And then I think "I wonder if said person still has my variety show?

And then I say "I'm gonna email them and see if I can get my variety show back!"

Would you give me back my variety show?

You can hand deliver you answer at:

The Old Fashioned Ladies Club

Wenesday, October 27th

Parkside Lounge

317 Houston

11pm

Mwah!

M

Live Blogging My Life 101: At My Fav Breakfast Spot, Sometimes The Counter Feels Less Clean After The Wipe It

Live Blogging My Life 101: Hour 3 Of Getting Drum Sounds For Gunnar

Live Blogging My Life 101: Waiting To Record With Vanessa Bley

Journalism 101: Neck Tattoos. Hot or Not?

Hi,

Geez! Did you ever stop to notice how good looking all the people that go to the kinds of coffee shops I go to are? And no I'm not just talking about me. Of course there's usually the one employee behind the counter who secretly makes you wonder how they got hired. They must have known somebody. Or maybe they worked at whatever this place was before all the good looking people started opening up stores for other good looking people to go to and the good looking proprietor or proprietoress just couldn't bear to be the good looking person that put the person who was born in the neighborhood out of work. Anyway, since you may or may not know me, you can imagine how good looking I am. So if you picture me and then picture about twenty other people, making some of them girls instead of boys and still others make of indeterminate ethnic origin instead of white, and then picture that I am not even the best looking of the bunch, although pretty damn close to it, you have a pretty good sense of the kind of scene I'm in right now. Yeah, even the girls with weird noses and the guys with suspect hair styles are way better looking than wherever it is that you're from. Except for the small group of traveling Europeans. They sure dress frumpy. And we're not even in Manahattahatan. We're in Brooklyn. In the NYC. In the NY State. In the USA. In the Americas. God, you really have blessed America. Thank you.

In related news, today The Big O. is sending me twitter messages that say things like: "I'm committed. Are you?" Sounds a little desperate if you ask me. Is he really worried that I'm not committed to my relationship with him? Of course I'm committed, Barry. For as long as it is politically advantageous. I've learned from the best.

Holy crap! Today is Dizzy Gillespie's birthday! He of course falls into the category of people who you know are and or were great but who's music you never really got around to listening to. Anyway, you can find out more about Dizzie Gillespie by going here: google.com Then click on the icon for the word "google". This of course will only work today. No. You shut up.

In related news, tonight the annual CMJ Music Festival offers you it's featured performance of the 2010 festivities down at the charming and always welcoming Rockwood Music Hall. Directly following Danny Ross will of course be someone else. I suggest using the bridge of Danny's last song as a cue for you exit, so as to avoid that awkward feeling of seeing a grown man cry when Casey notices you leaving during the middle of Love Is Here To Stay.

In unrelated news, the album "Love Is Here To Stay" may not be available through amazon.com. But you should still click on the convenient link to amazon.com in the right hand margin of this page just to be sure. While you're there, I could use another pair of Levi's 514 jeans. Waist: 29. Inseam: 32. And thanks.

Holy Crap! Remember all the good looking people I was telling you about earlier today? You can't even believe how good looking the person who's reflection I just saw in the mirror was. Wow.

Finally, I'd be remiss if I didn't raise my Old Fashioned glass and toast the continuing editorial prowess of The Huffington Post. Just when I was about to tell you all about some fluff story about some guy who does nothing but focus on the way people dress, my attention was thankfully drawn to the accompanying photos of yet another Pulitzer Prize winning article regarding, in the words of Katie Couric's Notebook, "a lot of bigger problems in the world right now". For the full story, click on the photo below of a half-naked twenty four year old best known for her role as teenager Rachel Berry.

Oh. No problem. You can thank me next Wednesday at The Old Fashioned Ladies Club (Sponsored By: Harris Radio). What's that? Yeah, we're gonna be back at Parkside Lounge. Ummm, I think it's the 27th. Yeah, it's totally the 27th. At 11. Yeah, 11pm. You think we'd be doing a freaking hour long Variety show at 11 in the morning? No, it's free. Yeah, I mean, we pass a tip bucket thing. But it's basically free. Oh. What? Yeah, it's a pretty involved show. Next week? I think there's gonna be one, two, three, four ... seven ... about 13 different parts to the show. Yeah, pretty much totally different than last weeks show. No. I'm not kidding. There's gonna be a magician. And this other guy who can juggle in time to music. No I can't tell you what song he's gonna juggle to. But I can tell you that if you're familiar with the work of Tom Dowd, you're gonna have a good time. Oh, and Flanagan Smith is gonna be there too.

Mwah!

M

Publicity 101: Veterans Group Files FEC Complaint Against Chamber Of Commerce

Hi,

Just now I spent about three minutes deleting a bunch of emails containing facebook messages from people I don't know about shows I'm not going to go to. There were about sixty of those within the ninety three emails I received over the weekend when I was not at home to instantly delete them. Needless to say, opening up the "Mail" application on my MacBook to find ninety three emails made me feel pretty important in general. In particular I was particularly impressed with myself to find one email from Barack Obama. In case you didn't know, Barack Obama is not only the half white star of a popular Discovery Channel show, but he is also the President Of The United States Of America. At first I thought, well, this must be just another campaign email from The Democratic National Committee that is not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee wherein they try to get me to donate money to the Democratic National Committee by saying something like, "If you donate $3, you could have a chance to win a trip to meet President Obama" and then include, as a "P.S.", a disclaimer telling me that I actually don't have to donate to enter this "sweepstakes" and I get really confused about the state of current affairs and start asking questions like: "Just what does it mean when the POTUS is holding a sweepstakes? Isn't that the kind of crap Ed McMahon used to sell on TV before he died? Isn't that like the lottery? And isn't the lottery a tax on the stupid? Does that mean my dad was stupid? Did he know what it meant when he voted for Reagan? Or was he just frustrated? And why are people shooting postal workers? Is frustration a slippery slope? Is there really a former prostitute running for Governor of NY State? Why does it make a kind of sense when she says that the only difference between her and career politicians is that she paid for her crime and they never do? Why did I have to scroll almost two thirds of the way down the home page of The Huffington Post today in order to find a photo of Christine O'Donnell only to find out that the photo shows Christine with her hair straightened? Why do so many girls straighten their hair? And does anybody know if The Gregory Brothers are gonna perform The Gift Of The Magi at Rockwood Music Hall again this year? Does anybody like that story as much as I do?"

Anyway, when I looked closer I started to get pretty excited. I mean, how often do you get an email from the POTUS with the words "I Want To Meet Matthew" in the subject field of said email? Not too freakin' often right?!?!?! Needless to say, I clicked open that email faster than you could say: 'Dude, you should totally open that email from the POTUS that's addressed to you faster than I can say, "Dude, you should totally open that email from the POTUS that's addressed to you!"' And upon reading said email was summarily set at ease about the state of our union. If by "our union" I mean the relationship between what I think and what is reality. Which I do...

Anyway, I'd like to publicly apologize to the Big O. for missing out on this unique opportunity for us to meet on account of the fact that I was in Vermont doing something I like to call: "Earning part of my living by playing a gig with the son of the guy who took the following photos that I am not compensating him to digitally represent within my own enormously profitable endeavor."

Incidentally, while I was in ...

... Vermont, the Mr. Gruen who did not take the photos above treated the band and me to, complete with fresh berries and home made whipped cream, something that can only be described as ...

... "The Best Freadflkajsdhfsdhglskfdgs Waffles I've Ever Had". Unfortunately the ensuing sugar high led me to have what one might call "A Lead Foot" ...

... thus rendering my net income from the gig to be a grand total of about $1.00. Yes, all the decimal points are in the right spots.

And speaking of The Big O. ...

Whatever you do, don't tell The POTUS or any of the other people you know that are half black, or all the way black, or any fraction of black wherein their appearance is defined by a dominance of melatonin, that my initial fine for speeding 23 miles per hour over the clearly posted speed limit was reduced, by the very friendly and courteous Vermont Highway patrolman, from $219.00 to $99.00 for the same reason I have boarded thirteen consecutive airline flights while carrying either a cigarette lighter, a Leatherman brand multi-tool containing a 3" blade that is sharp as f#@k, or both because: I am white.

In related news...

On this day in 1954, the first transistor radio was released.

I still use a vacuum tube radio to get information like this because: I am old.

And speaking of people who love when I post photos of my breakfast, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the latest news of upstart rocker band Atomic Tom and the ensuant backlash from one Bob Lefsetz that they've received for conceiving a publicity stunt that actually garnered publicity which, by dint of actually accomplishing something beyond commenting on what other people do, makes Atomic Tom about three hundred times more successful than Bob.

But listen, I understand what Bob is saying. I mean, I too was totally and completely blown away by almost all of the rock-n-roll I heard as a kid and have always wished that I would someday be in a famous rock-n-roll band. In fact I still do. So, you can imagine just how much I can relate to a guy like Bob being pretty dismissive about anything that anybody who is not me is trying to do in the land of rock-n-roll. But at the end of the day, even if you don't think that the song the band is playing on their iPhones in a low budget youtube video is on par with say, "Satisfaction" (which it isn't), there are words to describe the reasons why people would say things like ... "But since you suck so bad no one cares or you’re giving it one last shot before you go to college" ... about a group of guys who have a band and are looking for creative ways to promote it. One of those words is called: Jealousy. And another one of those words is actually two words and is called: Being Jaded. And still another of those words is actually three words and is called: Being An Asshole.

And another thing. I actually know the guys in Atomic Tom. So it stands to reason that I was doubly curious (read: suspicious) about this sudden spike in the bands visibility. Not because I don't think they are good, or because I don't think that they deserve it. No, I was suspicious and was thinking in a way that could be described as being jaded and was thus being an asshole because I am a human being and I am jealous of them and the over 1.2 million views their video has gotten in just a few short days because I know them and my old band played a show or two with them and we broke up and never got anywhere beyond playing for our friends because we didn't stick it out, or try hard enough ... or because I didn't stick it out or try hard enough ... or just weren't good enough ... or whatever.

Anyway, after spending about fourteen hours thinking "whatever man, nobody cares about anything and nothing matters," I decided to try not being an asshole for about five seconds and dove headlong into my treasure trove of rock-n-roll history and remembered about seven hundred and twenty three similar publicity stunts that rock bands have pulled in order to get people to pay attention to them ...

For instance, here's one that we talked about just the other day:

And here's another one:

Oh, and here's another one featuring a band lip synching their publicity stunt:

... and then I remembered that even if Atomic Tom's gear didn't get stolen or if their multinational conglomerate of a record label concocted this bit of moderately engaging example of viral marketing in a focus group, my opinion on the matter didn't really, well, matter. Except for the gear part actually. Cuz people's gear gets stolen all the time and it actually really sucks. That would be pretty lame if that was a lie. Anyway, what mattered was that these guys were getting some exposure for music which I for one know they worked really hard on. And if the aging critics of everything decide they would rather listen to James Taylor's Greatest Hits for the seventeen thousandth time instead of Atomic Tom, well that's certainly our collective right as aging dudes who didn't quite get to live out our dreams the way we had hoped. And furthermore, if their multinational conglomerate of a record label did in fact concoct this bit of moderately engaging example of viral marketing in a focus group, it's nice to know that their label is doing their job. If no one steals their record or buys tickets for their tour, no one will blame it on lack of publicity.

In the event that you are not one of the over 1.2 million people that have seen Atomic Tom's youtube video, you can thank me next week at The Old Fashioned Ladies Club:

Mwah!

M

Entertainment 101: Did Michael Jackson Hate Oprah?

Hi,

On yesterday's date in 1925 a debatably wise woman was born. Later in her life she said: "If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman." More on yesterday's re-debut of The Old Fashioned Ladies Club later. If you don't mind chilling out, I'm in the middle of a pretty busy day okay?

Speaking of being busy, someone you probably couldn't care less about recently released a digital representation of his "musical ideas" has just left my apartment after forcing me to listen to 47 test pressings of his new 7" vinyl release. Forty seven test pressings?!?!?! How do you spell excessive? Aside from getting progressively more nauseating with each subsequent, 'Okay dude, there's just a couple more test pressings left. Really, thanks so much for letting me bring your life to a screeching halt for 6 hours today while we listen to the same song so many times in a row that you wish could borrow the machete that Greg Feehan was using for his "Greg Feehan, The Guy Who Shaves His Face With A Machete While Juggling Said Machete And Two Bowling Pins" routine during The Old Fashioned Ladies Club last night', they all pretty much sounded the same to me. I invite you to play the following video 47 times in a row and tell me if you feel the same ...

Assuming you wake up in time, you can hear The Casey Shea band not sing that song tonight at Spike Hill in picturesque Williamsburger, Brooklyn, NYC. That's gonna happen at 9pm.

Mwah!

M

Variety 101: Thank God It's Fall ... I Can Finally Accessorize Without Feeling Gay!

Hi,

Lest you think I've neglected to note how much I know you've been waiting for me to weigh in on the really fu@$ed up NY Daily News article about Palladino being a big-fat-dumb-faced-homophobe who doesn't seem to understand that even if he were to have anything resembling a legitimate or rational reason to be opposed to gay marriage the fact that he is one step away from becoming the governor of the state that houses the most popular and, however gentrified it may seem to be if you never leave lower to mid manhattan, diverse and eclectic city that I know means that, like it or not, he is in fact now officially a public figure on the cusp of a very real and relevant leadership position in a society that for reasons that escape me, but can only be attributed to something called fear and/or insecurity and/or latent and/or suppressed homosexual tendencies, finds itself in what might be referred to as a crisis situation relating to the life and/or death of young people who display homosexual tendencies in public and/or private and that maybe, just maybe, it might be a good time for people in public figure kinds of positions to use a little bit of discretion and/or tact when discussing issues that make some people, depending on their perspective, want to literally stick baseball bats and plungers up other people's butts and/or hang themselves from a tree.

Anyway, I'm not gonna go there. I'm just gonna assume Mr. Palladino was taken out of context by the liberal media. But in case you missed what the guy who doesn't deserve to share the same first name with my dad said, I have cut and pasted the following sentences just to make sure I got the quotes just right:

“I don’t want [children] brainwashed into thinking homosexuality is an equally valid and successful option – it isn’t,” followed by, “I just think my children and your children would be much better off and much more successful getting married and raising a family.” It was only after only after these two zingers that Paladino backpedalled a bit, offering “Don’t misquote me as wanting to hurt homosexual people in any way,” he said. “My approach is live and let live.”

Anyway, like I said, I don't really have a comment. But I do know the even though I haven't even kissed a guy since that one night about 7 years ago when that one girl thought it would ... ummm, never mind ... I'll be voting for a different Italian guy in November.

In totally unrelated news, Mother Feather is playing this Friday night at Bowery Electric, so earlier today I had to spend a little time browsing the necklace selection at Forever 21.

And speaking of things you're looking forward to this week, today I also ran a few errands for something called The Old Fashioned Ladies Club. One errand was really a phone call to a piano tuner. Another errand involved finding out that, even though Halloween is just around the corner, most men are not very enthusiastic about wearing a Raggedy Ann costume. Another errand involved falling in love with google all over again for helping me figure out that a "tinsle-esque-backdrop-thing" is actually called a "Mylar Door Curtain". Another errand involved buying some Vanilla Chocolate Chip Hagen Daas ice-cream. Actually that errand wasn't really an errand so much as it was "dinner". And now I'm remembering that I just read an article that, in a manner of speaking, said that eating ice-cream for dinner might not be the best idea after all. Which of course now means that I'm going to be totally freaking depressed for the rest of the night and not be able to sleep well at all. OMG ... WTF? I am totes not LOLing.

Oh, and speaking of God. One of the other errands I ran involved a collar and a cross and a really big ruby ring and was related to another errand which involved reading the Bible. Or The Bible. Do you capitalize The in The Bible? Or is it the Bible? UGH! Writing is soooooooooooooooooooo hard.

Anyway, you can find out how my errands may or may not relate to Creedence Clearwater Revival on Wednesday at The Old Fashioned Ladies Club. It's gonna happen at The Parkside Lounge. We'll be starting at 11pm. You're gonna look GR8! I promise!

Mwah!

M

Political Science 101: Sometimes It's Really Hard To Think Of A Title

Hi,

This morning(ish) I didn't have a brunch date with Tom Hayes at our favorite brunch date spot whereupon I ate my favorite brunch dish that I can't remember how to spell but means baked eggs with cod fish in Brazilian and is pictured below for your easy reference ...

... because I when I woke up I got super excited when I realized that it was Saturday and that if I went down to my favorite brunch spot early enough I could not only get to eat my favorite brunch dish but I could also sit in my favorite seat, right in the front corner by the coatrack where I can put all the condiments on the window sill so that I have plenty of room on the miniature red table so to at once eat my favorite brunch dish and read the news of the day on a device that doesn't involve killing helpless trees, and thus I totally forgot to call Tom and ask him if he wanted to join me. I wonder what Tom had for breakfast today? Black pudding? What? Yeah, you're probably right ... nobody really cares what Tom had for breakfast. What's that? Yes, I too think it's nice that I am pretending to care.

In related news, I am presently toasting my skin in my new jeans:

Speaking of milquetoast, yesterday I heard someone blathering on about the musical backdrop to the many and varied public appearances by one Barry The Secretly Not So Hip Black Guy After All. But since you're too paralyzed by your unemployment induced depression to click on the link in the last sentence I'll just tell you what was implicitly queried with the following accurate(ish) paraphrasing: 'Since Barrack Obama is half black, and lots of people hate him because of a deep seated fear that he will have an affair with a white woman, wouldn't it make a lot more sense for him to walk out on stage to the tune(ish) backdrop of Public Enemy's "Fear Of A Black Planet" in order to remind all the black people in the country that his father is black and in the process provide more fear inducing fodder for the likes of people that are afraid to sit next a good looking black man on the Acela?'

Anyway, I actually really like the song "City Of Blinding Lights". Maybe it's because I got to see U2 perform it at Empire Fulton Ferry State Park a few years ago before the release of "How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb" on a day that I should have been working but instead played hooky because someone called me and said: "Dude! U2 is gonna perform at that park where the Brooklyn and Manhattan bridges almost meet in Brooklyn! Can you get out of work?" And I said: "Are you freaking kidding me? I work from home. I'll just set the status on Yahoo Messenger to 'Busy: On A Conference Call' and no one will know the difference. I'll meet you there in 30 minutes." Then we waited for something on the order of three and half hours for U2 to come riding over the Manhattan Bridge on a freakin' flatbed truck playing the Uno Dos Tres Catorce song over and over again, which was pretty freakin' cool ... albeit a total rip off of a stunt pulled by the band with the best frontman ever some twenty nine years earlier:

And while you probably won't recognize me on account of the fact that I wore baggier jeans at the time, I also found the U2 performance on youtube too. Then as now, I remember being at once impressed and repulsed at the linguistic political prowess of Bono for ending his little song intro soliloquy by saying that the "city of blinding lights" in question was in fact: Brooklyn.


And speaking of referencing cities that are no longer cities, you should either read the article about would be Senator Sharon Angle that the rest of this sentence links to, or read the blatant plagiarism below for one of the best punch lines I've heard in a long time.

In a recording of the rally provided to The Associated Press by the Mesquite Local News, a man is heard asking Angle : "I keep hearing about Muslims wanting to take over the United States ... on a TV program just last night, I saw that they are taking over a city in Michigan and the residents of the city, they want them out. They want them out. So, I want to hear your thoughts about that."

Angle responds that "we're talking about a militant terrorist situation, which I believe it isn't a widespread thing, but it is enough that we need to address, and we have been addressing it."

"My thoughts are these, first of all, Dearborn, Michigan, and Frankford, Texas are on American soil, and under constitutional law. Not Sharia law. And I don't know how that happened in the United States," she said. "It seems to me there is something fundamentally wrong with allowing a foreign system of law to even take hold in any municipality or government situation in our United States."

Dearborn, Mich., has a thriving Muslim community. It was not immediately clear why Angle singled out Frankford, Texas, a former town that was annexed into Dallas around 1975.

I don't know about you but I'm pretty sure that come November I'll be too busy shopping for clothes that make me look mildly sophisticated yet still in touch with people half my age to remember to vote.

Speaking of me when I was young, the forthcoming audio link will let you hear a guy talk about meeting a guy who I used to try to imitate when I was 9 years old and lived in this house, which was before whoever lives there now built the eye-sore of an addition onto the north side of:

And now, here is the aforementioned forthcoming audio link:

Okay. I'm gonna go now so I can prep for my gig with Nick Africano tonight. It's gonna happen at Rockwood Music Hall. It's gonna happen at 8pm. It's also gonna happen before we go over to Terri's birthday party at Crash Mansion which is gonna happen at 9pm.

Before I do that though, I know you've been wondering how Casey Shea is doing after last night's complete meltdown. Truth be told, it's hard to say. Clearly he was pretty upset. I don't know. I guess he'll be okay though. Believe it or not, he's a pretty resilient guy. I've seen him choke before. I mean, did you see the debut of The Old Fashioned Ladies Club? One can only assume he was the sole reason we were unceremoniously banned from whatever venue we did that show at ... but in a testament to his obliviousness to the futility of life in general, he's agreed to reprise his role of Steve Jackson when The OFLC re-debuts next Wednesday at The Parkside Lounge. So, one can only assume that he'll pull himself up by the bootstraps and live to sing his songs again.

Mwah!

M

P.S. You're welcome.

P.P.S. The least you could is click on the various ads in the right hand margin of this site about 47 times each.

P.P.P.S. My savings account at HSBC will thank you.

Holy Crap 101: More Popular Than Hey-Zeus!

Hi,

Recently we talked about how famous I'd become since this band that I play in got written about in an electronic offshoot blahhhhhg of the NY Times. Needless to say, a lot of things have been changing for me as a result. Aside from all the "eyes and smiles" I get on the JMZ line, there are now a bunch of journalists in a place that I'm pretty sure does not consider itself part of Europe called Ireland that have been following me around and writing about records that I played bass on. To wit, the rest of this sentence is a link to a digital representation of a review for The Harvest Ministers new album "Strange Love Letter" that was published on the byproduct of trees that have been cut down and pulped and dried by a publication called The Irish Times. Apparently the Irish Times is some small country's equivalent to The NY Times. And for those of you who are too scared to click on links lest you be inundated with letters from all those creditors you thought would just disappear, below is a photographic representation of a different review for the same album. You'll recognize me from the sentence that says "Their studied expertise brings an exciting sheen to Merriman's repertoire".

Studied expertise. Studied expertise. Studied expertise. Studied expertise. Studied expertise. Studied expertise. Studied expertise. Studied expertise. Studied expertise.

Has a nice ring to it, huh?

Speaking of studied expertise, I'm listening to this while I type this sentence imagining what color underwear you have on while you read this.

Anyway, here's the other review of the awesome album that Andy Fitzpatrick produced and Mark Marshall played on and I played on:

Speaking of Andy... can you believe he's playing a gig? What? He doesn't even know what a blog is! Holy crap. Welcome to the 23rd and Half Century! And can you believe that Mark Marshall is also playing on the gig? And you'll never guess who's playing bass. Nope. You're wrong! Casey Shea doesn't look good holding a bass. So I am! Can you believe it? Anyway, that gig is on November 15th at some place who's name escapes me.

In the event that your life will positively end if you don't see Andy, Mark and me on stage together before November 15th, you should click anywhere on this sentence and be directed to the website for something called The Old Fashioned Ladies Club only to be redirected to something called a facebook page for a certain variety show you'll be attending next week.

(ED. Note: Believe me, I know that the black in the logo for The OFLC is not exactly the same as the background black on The OFLC site. And yes, it's driving me freaking crazy!)

Speaking of literally driving while crazy. Click the next sentence. Yeah, this one.

In related news, who told this guy he could sing one of my songs at his show tonight????? Wait. Maybe I am getting famous! Holy crap!

Okay. Clearly I've been productive enough for one day.

Mwah!

M

P.S. Happy Birthday John.

P.P.S. Happy Brithday Terri.

Variety 101: Viva La Imigracion and The Spice Of Life

Hi,

Okay, first of all, there's a guy on the radio talking about something called "earmarks". Apparently these things are a legislative (especially congressional) provision that directs approved funds to be spent on specific projects, or that directs specific exemptions from taxes or mandated fees. Actually there are a bunch of people on the radio talking about earmarks. Right now there's a guy saying "Whoa!!! Hold On!!!! Wait Wait Wait!!!! Before we go on lambasting earmarks, I just wanna say that I work for Big Brother Big Sisters and we get our money through earmarks because that is how our system works! Please don't take away earmarks!!! Please think of the kids!!!" For some reason he had said what I just inaccurately paraphrased right after another guy was saying things like: 'We don't need the Federal Government to build roads and highways and bridges and all earmarks are bad and why do you send you money to Washington for things that should be done by states and local governments and why does the guy inaccurately quoting me right now keep almost misspelling earmarks, "earlmarks"'?

Anyway, Lou Dobbs is gonna set the record straight on earmarks on his radio show today ... right after he translates the cover story of today's El Diario:

Second of all, I don't have a lot of time to tell you about the other things I thought about when I was reading the news over my eggs and sausage and toast that may or may not have been prepared by illegal immigrants because I have some called "A Life". I'd tell you to get one for yourself but if I did, how would you find out about the rehearsal I'm about to go to for the gig I'm playing with Nick Africano at Rockwood Music Hall on Saturday night at 8pm. Or the gig I'm playing with Jeff Litman at Banjo Jim's on Friday night at 10pm. Or the gig I'm playing with the guy who's starring with me in the Re-Debut of The Old Fashioned Ladies Club, next Wednesday, at Rockwood Music Hall on Friday night at midnight. Or that I should drink more water ...

(Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock)

... Mmmm, that's good. Oh and at 11pm tonight, I have a gig with Bryan Dunn at The National Underground too. Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!

Mwah!

M

P.S. Thanks and congratulations to Hieronymus for updating The OFLC logo!

P.P.S. Thanks as well to all the hot moms who've been using the convenient link to amazon.com located in the right hand margin of this site to circuitously visit amazon.com in search of family and friend gift purchases.

Fashion 101: Stunning! Color! Inside! Today!

Hi,

Today the Post continued their series of "Front Page Headlines We Probably Shouldn't Be Putting On Our Front Page For A Bunch Of Obvious Reasons That May Or May Not Have Anything To Do With Either Race Baiting Or Unintentional Contribution To Negative Body Type Issues But Are Going To Publish Anyway". Anyway, fortunately today I won't be a racist or refuse to eat solid foodstuffs containing more than 23 calories because I was totally distracted by the coolest pair of fake Chuck Taylor's I've seen in at least four and half months.

Speaking of wasting your time wondering when the next Casey Shea gig is, The Old Fashioned Ladies Club will make it's triumphant re-debut at the esteemed Parkside Lounge on October 13th. That's a Wednesday. And ... We're gonna start at 11pm because Misty Boyce is getting old.

Mwah!

M