Hi,
Okay, so I lied on Friday when I said:
P.P.P.P.P.P.S. The following "P.S." completes my Christmas shopping list ...
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. The following digital representation of a receipt entitles me to an 8x10 autographed photo of Tony Hawk.
The truth is that on Friday I got so caught up in the holiday spirit that I bought myself another Christmas present. Tickets to the Radio City Christmas Spectacular! That's right kids ... the Rockettes! All 36 of them. Including one African American! 72 legs, in all their misogyny perpetuating glory! Wait, I think I saw another black dancer! Oh, it's so hard to tell from the 2nd mezzanine. Anyway, it was a great show except for that one part where the lead dancer fell during Swan Lake. Oh, crap. Sorry, I got my dancing mixed up. That was Black Swan. Pretty good movie by the way. I mean, if you like seeing movies wherein Natalie Portman is totally doing it with another girl. If you don't then you may or may not be as excited about the repeal of DADT as Billie Jean King. It depends. On a few things. Anyway, the Rockettes Show was great. In fact, it was so great, I think they should just go ahead and change the name to The Rockettes Show And Advertising Spectacular and drop the whole Christmas charade. Not that I'm saying Christmas is actually a charade or anything, but let's face it, baby Jesus is gonna unleash the waterworks if he doesn't start getting a little more stage time. I mean, really? One scene? It was a pretty bitchin' scene, but still. A christmas show where there are more product placements for Capitol One bank than there are mentions of Jesus H. Fukldjafkldjioaing Christ? How is this possible? In America? I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't had it all pointed out to me by the half-jewish girl I was sitting with. Very astute. Large black eyes. Like pools really. You just want to dive into them. Or something.
Anyway, I just got an email from a monopoly called "Ticketmaster" imploring me to "Let... " my "... voice be heard" and review The Rockettes Show And Advertising Spectacular. The email looks like this:
And here is my official review of the show:
Oh, and speaking of shows, if you're looking for some company to go antique shopping next month ... don't bother calling me during the week of Jan 15th - 22nd because I'll be knee deep in what can only be described as a Two Show World Tour with Casey Shea! That's right kids, we'll be bringing the mid-tempo-sixties-esque-shuffle-rock back to the home of the greatest airport in the history of airports in countries where the police are so badass they don't even have to carry guns.
Fortunately for all people like me, we live in a country where guns are still held in high esteem. People here like guns so much that some of us will choose to hang around with a bunch of other people that not so secretly hate our guts just to get to walk around with them, polish them and occasionally even get to blow some poor sonofabitches face off with them. And as the digital representation of an x-ray below demonstrates, still others among us are simply thankful that in our country, you don't even have to be in the armed services if you want to hang out on airplane with a loaded gun.
Finally, I'm done with my coffee so you're just gonna have to get back to your life now.
Mwah!
M
P.S. If you're like me and stayed home on Monday night ...
P.P.S. Apparently you too missed a pretty remarkable party.
P.P.P.S. Today's unattributed quote of the day is ...
P.P.P.P.S. "Where are the s'mores ingredients? This is in honor of Michelle Obama, who said the other day we should not have dessert."
P.P.P.P.P.S. Oh wait! Sorry, I found an even more fu@%ed up unattributed quote ....
P.P.P.P.P.P.S. "In the 1970's pedophilia was theorized as something fully in conformity with man and even with children."
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Write to me with correct origins of one of the above quotes and I'll tell you about how you can earn me money by clicking on the convenient advertising links in the right hand margin of this page!
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