The Beatles 101: Late Breaking News

Hi,

In today's installment of late breaking news, I present to you a link to some guy "singing" a pretty good song:
Link To Some Guy "Singing" A Pretty Good Song.

Mwah!

M

Media Studies 101: Chief Executive of NPR Resigns

Hi,

Today I'd like to offer you a selection of recent of something I like to call: "Recent Observations and The Things I have Learned From Said Observations."

Observation Number 1: Known increases in the instances of "eyes and smiles" I receive is directly proportional to the wearing of one of my fashionable vintage ties.

My takeaway from this observation really only needs to be read men: Guys, apparently it really does make you more attractive if you're dressed like you are actually expected by someone to be somewhere at some point during a given day. However, it's not cool to be dressed as though you act like a complete a$@#ole when you get there.

Observation Number 2: The other day I was riding the D Train around whatever time it is that public school's out for the day and almost had my awesome game of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2 interrupted by, you guessed it, a bunch of kids. Illegally leaning against the subway doors, I kept my head down. I was going for 200,000 points on a single trick combination. Not easy. And I got them. 213,578 to be exact. As you can imagine, it was pretty tough on account of all these kids basically yelling at the top of their little kid lungs about God only knows what. Anyway, you can imagine how self satisfied I was about accomplishing my big goal for the day and felt that I deserved to take a load off. So, I sat down. The eleven year olds were still screaming. Well, most of them. No, actually I'd say it was roughly half of them. You see, literally all of the laughing, impolite name calling, punching and cavorting were something commonly referred to as : "Boys". The twenty or so girls basically just sat there and watched them. I thought this was pretty interesting. So when I got home, I brought this all up by basically saying all of the stuff you just read to a pretty smart young woman I know. She said: "Yeah, I've been to a public school before."

My takeaway from this observation is something I like to call: "Confusion".

Observation Number 3: In my neighborhood, all of the young men I've seen engaged with the NYPD in something called the "Stop And Frisk" program are decidedly not caucasian. Wait, should caucasian be capitalized? Caucasian. Well, yeah, I know it gets capitalized there dummy. Jeez. I meant in the middle of the sentence.

My takeaway from this observation is that if you live in The United States, you probably won't ever get "stopped" and "frisked" in the middled or a rain storm if you managed to get something called: "Born White".

Observation Number 4: My breakfast is better than yours.

My takeaway from this observation is that I am _____________.

Mwah!

M

P.S. Tomorrow night I'll be playing with Kris Gruen at The Living Room.

P.P.S. Look it up.

P.P.P.S. The night after tomorrow night I'll be playing with Casey Shea band at someplace called Madison Square Garden.

P.P.P.P.S. Don't look that up.

P.P.P.P.P.S. Just go to the Will Call window at MSG on Friday night and tell them that Wes Verhoeve of Family Records left you a pair of tickets for something called: "Tonight's Show".

Economics 101: Conflict Of Interest and The Case For Not Being A Foodie.

Hi,

One of the great things about having someone around who, despite the errant crumbs on your jeans with the hole where your keys have worn through, a wine stain on the shirt you've been wearing for two days, which incidentally coincides with the last time you showered, pretty much always thinks you're good looking is that every once in a while you get to have homemade chocolate chip cookies instead of wheat toast with your breakfast:

Wow. Who knew there were so many things for you to be jealous of me for?

Don't worry. I'm counting.

In related news, if you wanna be either jealous of some other people or just need some details to backup your ongoing depression about pretty much everything, you should totally find someone to give you a link to illegally download the Oscar-winning feel-good-movie-of-the-millennium: Inside Job.

In more related news, now I'm totally gonna get re-depressed just thinking about how much money I coulda saved on therapy if I had only read the article this part of this sentence links to first. Anyone wanna go shopping?

Finally, in today's episode of "Creative Marketing", the second half of this sentence links to what can only be described as a novel way to publish a novel.

Mwah!

M

Economics 101 :Late Breaking News and The Case For Editing Your Online Photo Albums Before It's Too Late

Hi,

Welcome to today's second installment of what once would have been referred to as "my web log" but is now referred to as the awkward to pronounce "my blog". Actually, I take that back. "My blog" isn't so much difficult to pronounce as much as it kind of just sounds dumb. And to make matters worse it sounds suspiciously like something that is gonna sound really dated in 2012. But who cares right? I mean, everyone knows that judgement day is only 18 days after what would've been my dad's 81st birthday ... That's May 21st for all of you who either A. don't know how to plus or B. never knew my dad's birthday ... and the entire world will have ended by October 21st. So go ahead, say Blog all you want I guess. For that matter, you might as well go ahead and wear the Uggs your stepmom found on sale at that outlet mall off of Route 15 on the way to visit Gramma in Temecula.

Anyway, all this is to offer you and yours the late breaking news that while many of you have your own many and varied reasons for thinking Mother Feather is best looking band since Mother Feather, Chris and I just made it official:

Mwah!

M

P.S. You can come be jealous of us on Friday, March 18th when we play Rockwood Music Hall at Midnight.

Civil Planning 101: Loud Talkers and The Case For Euthanasia

Hi,

Today I am writing to you from one of those Manhattan coffee shops, complete with a variety of faux looking, but probably actually real, leather chairs that make you think of the Pottery Barn catalog you were reading the last time you took a crap at your Aunt Lucy's summer house on Crystal Lake. The best part about this place is the people having really loud business meetings. For instance, right next to me is a some kind of a hot shot lecturer guy who's got some woman trying to explain to him how a YoutTube channel works. He seems pretty important. The woman has been instructed to "CC ..." him "...on all emails with these German people about the YouTubing." Next they're probably gonna start some really kinda boring conversation about his upcoming spot on Ted.com.

Anyway, you're probably wonder what I think Noel Gallagher thinks when he finishes peeing his pants after hearing lyrics like ... "Aaaahhhhhh, it's gonna be tough. The battle's on and your soul is the prize" ... from his little brother's "new" band's new album. I guess I think he probably wets himself from laughter, says something to the effect of "Hey Liam, have fun being the opening band!" and then goes off to ride the pony while staring at all the platinum albums he wrote.

Thanks to ________ for sending me a digital representation of the album he stole for free. If you'd like me to make fun of your album while secretly wishing more people made fun of albums I played on, you can send me links to unauthorized distribution networks here: imabsile@gmail.com.

In related new, congratulations to Mr. Spielberg and everyone who worked on E.T.

In unrelated news, not only does this guy look like an ass#ole ... shockingly, he actually is.

Finally, I gotta get outta here before I start shopping at Christian Dior.

Mwah!

M

P.S. On this day in 1977, Bob Dylan was served divorce papers.

Nation Building 101: Kiss My Grits!

Hi,

Today, when I get to the nunnery, I'm going to try to save the life of a woman I've never met's fish named after the woman who wrote the song the kids who are about to perform a different song on the Oscar's are singing.

In related news, you'll probably be either disappointed that I used so much butter on my grits or really jealous that nobody will ever cook you breakfast this good:

Okay, yeah, I guess you're right. It could use some colored vegetables. Looks like I'll be going on a date with Key Foods today! Anyway, I really didn't use that much butter today.

Oh, and speaking of grits ... Isn't modern civilization interesting?:

And speaking of all the banal trappings of modern civilization, since I don't really know what to do about the thing that this part of this sentence links to I'm just gonna head back over to ebay and buy a bunch of records from some guy in Brazil.

Mwah!

M

Space 101: Because I Don't Really Miss You Either, So There!

Hi,

Today I woke up super excited because I just knew there would be something good in the mail box when I walked my little happy feet down the six flights of stairs that don't bother me at all unless I'm carrying an 85lb. self-assemble dresser up said six flights of stairs. And lo! To my joy I knew that not only was I grateful to not be a state union employee in the state of Wisconsin, but that today would be the day that I would finally be the proud owner of my very own LP copy of the amzingly amazing self-titled album from the Stone Roses. And so I am. Thankful that I at least have the mp3 version still. You can see photos of it below ...

Someone needs to clue The Red Coats in to the "Fragile" sticker!!!!!

Fortunately I had the non sadness inducing appointment with TheMistyBoyceExperience to begin working on songs for her next album to help ease me into the rest of the day.

Mwah!

M

P.S. The Casey Shea "band" next lives out your dreams on March 11.

P.P.S. Anyone ever heard of Rockwood Music Hall?

P.P.P.S. Emma Goldman would, I suspect, at once be proud and feel the uncontrollable urge to gouge her own eyes out.

P.P.P.P.S. Or, maybe she'd just say: "Matthew, just be glad you were born a white male."

P.P.P.P.P.S. Assuming, that is, that we were having a conversation ...

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. But that's, unfortunately, impossible.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. And by "unfortunately", I mean ...

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I can only assume she'd be a lot of "fun".

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. If you know what I mean ...