Listen, please spare me your whining. It's really not my fault that you've grown tired of your job, or the reflection in your mirror, or the way your significant(ish) other looks in bear-slippers (or those stupid Miami Dolphins boxer shorts as the case may be). Whatever.
On second thought, maybe it is...? Maybe you actually miss me. But I doubt it. I'm really just another distraction that keeps you from getting on with all the things you were thinking about while reading The Artist's Way (which you can, assuming you need something to help you induce vomiting and/or tell you that in order to accomplish a given goal in life you will actually have to work at it pretty much everyday for at least 10 years or so, of course conveniently purchase by clicking on the amazon.com link in the bottom right hand margin of this page) last fall. A whole lot of good that $14.99 got us towards you discovering and recovering your creative self, huh? What you really need to read is Who Moved My Cheese, right after you finish translating The Little Engine That Could into french and then back to American. But since all you ever really do is sit around watching TV and never finish anything you've started, I've provided the following for your edification.
In today's installment of "Who Me Meet With The Dalai Lama?" ...
POTUS Obama stated that while he didn't really understand "... Tibet's unique religions ...", at one point interrupting the vacationing Condoleeza Rice to call on her extensive knowledge of all things about other people to ascertain exactly where Tibet was on the Oval Office globe. The Big O summed up the one hour gabfest with a terse warning to the Dalai Lama, and further evidence of his throwing the greatest would be democracy in the history of republic's down the crapper, that "... linguistic identity ... "should not be confused with" ... the protection of ... " The "People's Republic of ... the United States and China."
In not immediately related news I offer you today's installment of "Atomic Bombs May Break Our Bones But US Bonds Are Cheap And Easy" ...
Have you ever noticed all the ways that the rising sun is a really brilliant design for a flag. If I wasn't born in Connecticut and my Uncle Joe didn't almost die during WWII, I'd totally salute that. Which is good, because in another couple years, I probably won't have a choice. That's right kids, while you were watching that giant wad of quilted Charmin go down the drain after whipping the giant crap out of your underpants over the preceding paragraph's news that you probably live in a communist country, dramatic events took NPR by storm today as news dropped of Japan's ingenious take over of the entire economy of the greatest country in the history of countries that now pay a 3.7% yield on it's ten year bond which is about 323% more than my saving account pays me even though when I put in my money I was getting 5%.
A few days ago I was watching a 4 year old TV show and I heard the following bit of genius:
"I've seen better faces on a hemorrhoid."
That quote came of course from one Joan Rivers.
She also once said that Mick Jagger's lips were so big he could french kiss a moose.
I can't actually find that quote anywhere, but I'm really pretty sure she said it once and my mom laughed her ass off. That was back when my mom bleached her hair and smoked Salem menthol cigarettes. We used to extinguish her cigarettes in her coffee while she was getting whatever she was getting out of the refrigerator. She would, as you can imagine, get pretty pissed. Anyway, she always thought Mick Jagger was ugly. She also used to say that Willie Nelson looked like he "could use a good shower." She also doesn't think I'm handsome. I asked her once and she said "No, I wouldn't say handsome." But that's fine because this morning I had an audition with this lady I know named _________ who just last night had an _______ with a ____ for the FIRST TIME EVER and afterwards conned me into paying for breakfast at the best diner in the history of diner's where the waitress delivered the check to our table and asked me if I were a movie star because "you look so handsome, you could be a movie star."
Oh crap... look at the time! I gotta run.
Here's some further reading for tomorrow's lesson:
Mwah!
M
P.S. If the FBI takes down that last link, I have the text copied.
P.P.S. Just in case you're trying to get out of your homework.
P.P.P.S. You should cook me dinner sometime...
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