Today I have one of the lame seats in the coffee shop that makes me feel like I'm in Connecticut but am actually only about 12 blocks from my apartment in the building that could really use a better superintendent. I mean really, I don't like like cleaning anymore than anyone else that doesn't actually wanna work for a living, but has anyone around here ever heard of a broom? I'll buy you the dustpan for crying out loud. Anyway, this seat is actually more of a bar stool, which would normally be fine since I'm a pretty tall guy and I can rest my feet either on the rung of the stool or on the floor. It's really up to me and my personal feelings on comfort at any particular moment. The problem is the counter. It's not counter height. Which is of course 36". This non-counter-bar-thing is at least 42". I'm gonna have carpal tunnel syndrome before I finish typing this senten ...
Ouch.
It's like having arthritis except there's a chance I could sue for it.
And since you asked, when you sit at the too-tall-for-the-stools-bar you're given the option of looking into this humongous wall mirror or just pretending that you're so absorbed with whatever the hell it is that you're typing that you're not looking up to admire yourself every three and a half minutes. Fortunately I shaved today. Or else I'd have to move seats.
Anyway, in other news that you probably already know because you've come to rely on me not only for emotional support while you tough it out through the ...
Wait. Stop the presses! See, this coffee shop plays pop radio. I don't know what station. But I kinda like being in the know of what's happening in America and right now they're playing a cover of Supertramp's "Give A Little Bit" by ... Hang on, I gotta google this ... I F#@%ING KNEW IT!!!!!: The Goo Goo Dolls.
Ewwwwww.
Awe man.
Suddenly I feel so cheap.
Thank god they're playing Shania Twain now.
And, for the record, I think Brad Pitt is actually pretty impressive.
Ewwwwww.
Awe man.
Suddenly I feel so cheap.
Thank god they're playing Shania Twain now.
And, for the record, I think Brad Pitt is actually pretty impressive.
Incidentally, Shania Twain, The Goo Goo Dolls, Supertramp and all sorts of other popular music as well as all sorts of other things you forgot to buy me for my birthday are available at amazon.com, which is of course accessible via the convenient link in the lower right hand margin of this page and is not being linked to in the body of this text because if you click on the convenient link in the lower right hand margin of this page and get redirected to amazon.com I will make money off of whatever you purchase.
Yes, even if it's not a belated birthday present.
Anyway, back to me and how we were talking about your dumb feelings and how wonderful I've been lately even though I haven't really gotten anything in return save for a further inflated sense of self at the knowledge of just how miserable you'll be when I'm gone... on top of that, you've come to appreciate not only the accuracy of my journalism but also it's timeliness. As an example, can you believe that the Daily News is leading today with a story about the forbidden love between Joe Biden and Dick Cheney?
Actually, I lied. The Daily News actually lead the days news with a report on the latest in functional fashion from VPL, the Sweater-Kini. And really, who can blame them?
Great work Kendall! We're all very proud of you.
In today's installment of "All The ..." wait, I gotta stop the presses again and enter my certification of NYS Unemployment benefits before it gets too late and I forget.
Great work Kendall! We're all very proud of you.
In today's installment of "All The ..." wait, I gotta stop the presses again and enter my certification of NYS Unemployment benefits before it gets too late and I forget.
Whew. Good thing I remembered and wasn't completely distracted by the genius that is "Need You Now", the latest smash hit to the top of the charts with a bullet from Lady Antebellum.
In today's installment of "You Don't Say?":
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was spotted at "a secluded royal hunting retreat where the vacationing king hosted her for lunch – and where a large-screen TV was on." Once properly outfitted for her pinko-commie "vacationing" she reportedly confided on the "private bus" ride to King Abdullah's "secluded royal retreat" the following tidbit of classified information: "Iran Is Moving Toward A Military Dictatorship"
In related news, celebrated music producer Brian Eno not only wrote the best lyric on Coldplay's last album ...
... he has also been giving some of the best interviews on the subject of music since at least 1976. While speaking with Lester Bangs about his then current album "Music For Airports" (available at amazon.com which is of course accessible via the convenient link in the lower right hand margin of this page), Mr. Eno expounded on his then revolutionary approach to music: "I've developed a technique recently that works rather well, I think ... I lean on a parking meter, and every time a beautiful girl walks by, I smile at her. If she smiles back, I invite her up to my flat for a cup of tea. I moved to New York City because there are so many beautiful girls here, more than anywhere else in the world."
Lastly, I don't know about you but I sure was relieved to learn this morning that Evan Bayh has decided to relieve us of his tiresome partisanship and unceasing need to destroy the greatest country in the history of speeches written in the 19th century. And the fact that he chose to deliver his thoroughly unrepentant, vindictive and hateful speech as if he were reading a toddler to sleep with "The Feelings Book" (available at amazon.com which is of course accessible via the convenient link in the lower right hand margin of this page) can only mean that he is related to the devil and things are really looking up for the America after all.
Mwah!
M
P.S. This dude died today ...
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