I'm back from the vacation I didn't bother to invite you on. Mostly I didn't invite you because I think you get too attached to whatever itinerary you'd made before you even put in for the vacation time at the office and as such whenever I just wanna sit on the beach and stare at the ocean because it seems like the logical thing to do when you've traveled for half day because you wanted to relax on the beach you get all offended that we're not playing enough frisbee or talking enough about all those feelings you apparently have that I'v been ignorzzzzzzzzzz ...
In related news: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz ...
Anyway, I also didn't invite you on vacation because I can't imagine you'd have a lot of fun sitting around Bellevue with me watching All My Children or whatever soap opera is currently enticing the domestic workers of the world with ads like this:
I must say, that's one of the best ads I've seen in a long time. And since I spent the last couple of weeks recovering from almost fulfilling my lifelong dream of piloting an airplane to my demise, I've watched this ad over and over, all the while wondering "just where in the world did that guy with such an amazing voice come from?"
Anyway, flying airplanes is really fun. But if you're tooling the great american skyline erroneously veering suspiciously close to Gracie Mansion bearing residual eyeliner from the previous night's Master Class in Rock you're likely to have a little bit of trouble convincing the keepers of the thin blue line that you aren't under the influence of anything that would turn me into a plane crashing Zombie or feel the incessant urge to use the word groovie.
Anyway, if you don't really give a crap about an old I-think-I-may-have-heard-his-name-once-in-Jr.-High-School-author or if you you can learn more about the current push to outlaw the private sale of oranges by clicking anywhere on the following quote that incidentally sounds suspiciously familiar to a conversation I had about 15 years ago after drinking a quart of "tea" brewed from the a certain mushroom variant abundantly found in cow pastures just outside of Tallahassee, FL from Will Rogers: “Why don’t they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth.”
And speaking of people who might have a drop or two of Cherokee blood in them and according to my cab driver on Thursday night, who after asking: "you're like what around 35?" Said: "Hey, I mean you look like you could be famous, so there's still hope! You just gotta do what I'm telling you ..." may still have a chance at becoming the highest paid movie star in Hollywood, you should probably cancel whatever plans you have for 8:30pm tonight and come out to Bruar Falls in picturesque Brooklyn, NY and get a lesson in whatever it is in life that you think you can improve upon, that is, unless your plans already included coming to see Mother Feather tonight at 8:30 at Bruar Falls in picturesque Brooklyn, NY.
In the interest of full disclosure, I promised the cab driver that I wouldn't tell anyone all of the great advice he gave me about becoming a famous person so as to insure that the next time he sees me, I'll be famous. Or something.
In unrelated news, you should definitely make plans to fire up the old Netflix account and stream this documentary at midnight tonight just to make sure you miss the latest colossal meltdown of the Casey Shea band at Rockwood Music Hall. You can thank Ann Courtney later.
Oh, would you look at the time! I gotta go!
Mwah!
M
P.S. Since you don't have a life, you can follow me on twitter now.
P.P.P.P.S. Check out my friend Ernie's new band:
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