Yeah, I know you're just dying to hear all about how I feel about the so-called "Franzen Syndrome" wherein men who write about the experiences of both sexes of people feel like they are totally deserving of all the extra attention they are getting and that the last thing in the world they need is to be told so by The Other, Original, Big O. Oh, and don't get me started quoting articles about women authors not being taken seriously that feature women authors who have sold over 11 MILLION books. Well, I'm not. I'm just not gonna go there because just like when I was in high school, I still think I'm too cool to talk about what everyone else is talking about. Let alone read the book. Jeez. Could you imagine? Me, on the train reading the same thing as you? Yeah friggin' right! Fortunately for me, I use the new Kindle for iPhone app and no one on the subway knows what I'm reading. So you'll never know if I just spent $12.99 to have "Freedom" delivered wirelessly to wireless device. Then, the next time we're at a dinner party talking about how great it is to get away and be a part of nature once in a while and, man we should really plant a garden and have you read that book about blaadchd;kf;sdgljfshgvushrsfgjhdoizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ... I can respond with some or another piece of insight that makes me look really cool even though "I didn't read the book".
Anyway, in case you were wondering, you too can enjoy the benefits of incognito cultural intake by visiting amazon.com. You can get there via the convenient link, to something called a website, located in the bottom right margin of this page. Tell 'em I sent you. My name is Matt. You are here. But believe me, you'd be better off going here. Go ahead, spend more than you wanted to. Please.
In related news, I now offer you something I like to call a: Segue. This is where I tie in one or two things that I said in the first paragraph and offer other examples of things that I thought about today that use the same words to describe them but are totally different in context.
Let's start with: "I Hated High School". I mean, hated. I mean, except for the time that one girl came over after school when she knew my parents weren't home and fshgshkgljfksjgriojsgk;fskhdsajfhdsajfhlkdushfljskdhglkjhglksjdfhgsjfhl!!!!!!!!! That was a pretty awesome day. Otherwise, high school was so full of me recognizing everyone else's flaws on account of them being so incredibly insecure about themselves and constantly having to draw other people's attention away from Algebra class by having weird haircuts and wearing womens sandals supposedly imported from India because they were so into Jazz Muzak for about 9 months. And the day their dad's all picked them up for school DRIVING THE SCHOOL BUS! Man, I can't imagine how embarrassing that must have been for them. Being the new kids and all. No wonder they spent freshman year letting people call them Ted even though their name was Matt. Anyway, if you're still in high school, you'll be happy to know that it gets better. Unless of course you simultaneously decide to join the joined the military and believe in adages like "honesty is the best policy". Apparently some things really are just too difficult to talk about. Even if the job that pays you close to $200k per year is paying you to talk about things. Having said that, sometimes people in Florida do things that make sense.
In related news, apparently it really is important to always tell the truth. Or is it?
And speaking of the truth and how everybody really wants to hear the straight dope from their leaders, maybe you heard this question as posed the other day to Mr. Barry POTUS that I took a sideways picture of?:
Anyway, in case you can't read sideways, this woman is apparently pretty damn peeved that things haven't been changing for her too much over the last 18 months or so. My life, on the other hand, has changed dramatically in the last 18 months. But really, who cares about me? Aside from you of course. Anyway, this constituent wants some real answers. And who can blame her? Then again, based on the the reaction of constituent's reaction to the last guy who redecorated The Oval Office and thought it would be a good idea to actually be honest (Editor's Note: Since you're "too busy" to watch the whole thing, we invite you to skip to 4:10 into the forthcoming embedded video), you can imagine why The Big O. might want to take the road that leads to his own job security:
Oh crap. My phone is ringing. Damn. After I return the phone call I just missed, I have to go to rehearsal with Zzzzzzzzz...
Mwah!
M
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